Grappling with my Reluctance to Embrace Inner Peace

Not until very nearly completing this entire webpage series did I realize what a massive point this is, at least for me. I’m unsure how many other people it applies to, but for me it is so life-changing and revolutionary that exploring all the implications might warrant a separate webpage.

I’ve been writing about peace, not because I want it, but to serve those who do. I’m not interested in my ease, comfort or happiness. What good would that achieve? I might as well be dead. (I’m reminded of 1 Timothy 5:6, “But she who gives herself to pleasure is dead while she lives.”)

When the realization finally hit, I could hardly have been more shocked if knocked by lightening on a sunny day. Never before had I stopped to think that whereas Paul snuggled into peace in prison, had God offered me peace in that situation I would have graciously but stubbornly refused. I’d have worried that to let myself be at peace would be to risk letting God down. I’ve feared that in any adverse situation (a possible spiritual attack) being at peace could soften me, like a warrior growing fat and lazy, or a drowsy night watchman getting a little too warm and cozy. Might it entice me to lose some of my fire; leading me to languish needlessly long in that predicament, rather than resisting the spiritual attack with adequate fury? That would disappoint my Lord. Even if things were going superbly, I’ve felt that peace could lull me into slackening off in my quest to keep pressing forward and giving the Lord my utmost.

Put another way, in Philippians 4:11, Paul said he had learned in all circumstances to be content (the context refers to going without financially, but I expect he would apply this to other adverse situations as well.) In contrast, I believed I could not afford to be content in prison, or with any other restriction. I felt that unless I remained annoyed and frustrated, I would most likely settle down and hardly try to escape. I loathed the possibility of ending up disappointing God, the love of my life, by surrendering to limits he wanted me to fight. It was not, of course, that I was thinking in terms of using natural means to break free, such as digging a tunnel, but spiritual ways like faith, passionate prayer and taking authority over evil spirits. There was no question of not relying on an act of God. Without him, I can do nothing, nor would I even want to. Nevertheless, we each have some sort of contribution to make in our union with God.

So it might not have been deliberate, but I now realize the extent to which, in practice, I have refused the peace that transcends understanding, lest accepting it could lull me into missing God’s best.

It must surely be possible to be too laid back and complacent. God in his Word gives Christians far too many warnings for it not to be a grave danger. Nevertheless, Paul’s life proves it is possible to have both peace and a strong drive. He spoke of wrestling spiritual powers (Ephesians 6:12) and wrote such things as, “I don’t regard myself as yet having taken hold, but one thing I do: forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward [“straining,” say many versions] to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 3:13-14). Other such statements by Paul. He could maintain all of this intensity, however, while still resting in God and experiencing peace at incomprehensible levels.

Especially in our era, shamefully many Christian testimonies are doctored. Many others are the product of baby Christians – spiritual honeymooners who as yet have encountered only the fringes of spiritual reality. Paul is different. We can trust his spiritual maturity and raw honesty. The Bible is relentless in its warts-and-all truthfulness.

Having been haunted by the words of preachers saying you get what you settle for, I have feared that accepting God’s peace would prevent me from being sufficiently driven to keep fervently seeking, praying and believing for improved circumstances, or more in God. It’s not their doing. They never said don’t have peace. It was my defective thinking. It is interesting, however, that some of the teaching behind ‘you get what you settle for’ is based on misreading Scripture. “. . . ye have not, because ye ask not,” (James 4:2, KJV) is worrying. Could peace lessen my motivation to keep asking? However, it immediately goes on to say, “because ye ask amiss,” (James 4:3) That, too, is worrying, if asking amiss means not asking with sufficient faith or fervor. However, let’s keep reading the verse: “that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” That changes everything. Now it’s clear that it is not that they had lapsed into prayerlessness, nor that their prayers lacked intensity, but that their fervor was misdirected. They were praying for the wrong things. They were believing not for spiritual things, but fleshly things; not seeking God’s glory, but their own pleasure.

I never realized that my missing out on peace was also a matter of the flesh. I had no idea I was resorting to my flesh – to my efforts to remain motivated – rather than resting in God’s ability to know it is my heart’s desire to be as highly motivated as he wants, and that I can therefore trust him to ensure I stay on track.

Here’s another example of how Paul leaves me in his dust. He recognized his “thorn” as “a messenger of Satan” (2 Corinthians 12:7). He prayed three times against it. I can only speculate about how prolonged and intense each time of asking was. Nevertheless, unlike me, he then left it in God’s hands, and settled into God’s peace.

I’ve been long aware, of course, of the word guard in the following, but until now I had given it little attention:

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. (Emphasis mine.)

Some Bible versions say keep, but the majority, more precisely, say guard. It is well established among scholars of New Testament Greek that the word is a military term referring to a garrison of soldiers standing guard over something to keep it safe.

Whereas I’ve believed agitation and dissatisfaction would help protect me from spiritual complacency, this divinely inspired revelation says that peace will protect me.

It’s possible to confuse divine peace with spiritual laziness or defeatism. There is an enormous difference between surrendering to God and surrendering to the enemy. Nevertheless, the enemy is so deceptive as to often make the difference seem almost undetectable. So I need to ensure I embrace the genuine gift, and not some spiritually dangerous counterfeit. New Age Practices, for example, are likely to present such a danger, and, of course, illicit drugs and alcohol, and psychological counterfeits such as Learned Helplessness and Stockholm Syndrome. Accepting the real peace of God, however, is not only spiritually safe, it will keep me safe.

Having finally realized that my approach was at odds with the man who, under divine inspiration, told us to emulate him, I gave myself permission to stop being annoyed and frustrated at my mental and physical limitations. Not surprisingly, there was an instant release of pressure. Coincidentally, I actually felt worse than ever health-wise, but I was so much better emotionally. My significant restrictions no longer bothered me. I was willing to trust God to sort it all out, without me having to keep raging against restrictions, like an ox kicking against the goads. In short, I had peace.

It’s early days, however. I still need to learn how to live in peace while minimizing the danger of displeasing God by surrounding to limitations or spiritual attacks that he wants me to war against in the Spirit. I must learn how to follow Paul’s lead, as he followed Christ’s lead.