Therapy / Help for Abusive Introject Alters / Insiders

How to Cure / Stop ‘Bad’ Alters

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What makes the following so useful and a simple learning tool is that it is an actual record of e-mail exchanges between a host and counselor showing the exact process by which the alter was helped and underwent a significant transformation that is typical of alters as they heal. It is of immense value and most encouraging to everyone wanting to learn how to help alters heal. (Alters, also known as insiders, are parts of a person who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), also known as Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.). This webpage gives insight into a somewhat rare type of alter known as an introject. Because this introject was an abuser, however, it helps readers know how to bring relief and healing to any angry, nasty alter. Moreover, parts of the following are also relevant to helping still other types of alters. Names have been changed and dates concealed to preserve anonymity but Jim writes quite well and the following has only had very minor editing, such as the insertion of an occasional question mark and correction of a rare spelling error. The e-mail exchange took place in an Internet Chat version of Group Therapy that I created for people with D.I.D. E-mails were sporadic. All of Jim’s e-mails to everyone have been included, as well as all the group’s e-mails to him. His host, Sharon, also occasionally e-mailed Jim via the group. These are included. The host and other alters of hers wrote much to the group, as did other members of the group, but only those e-mails of direct relevance to Jim have been included. Occasionally, words were used by the alter that I’ve never used in my life. I have not gone to all the effort to produce this webpage for onlookers’ idle curiosity. If you are too “holy” to be exposed to such language – mild by many people’s standards – perhaps you should consider going straight to heaven and leave the real work of helping the lost and hurting to others. I’ve yielded to the temptation to jettison authenticity and censor questionable language by replacing it with *#!%@. If you discover a word I did not run through Find and Replace, please let them know – it was my final revision and given its length, I haven’t had time to recheck it. The following might be triggering to certain readers. Healing, however, is reserved for those with the courage to face triggers. Now might not be the right time for you but if you plan to spend the rest of your life avoiding triggers, don’t expect to heal. Several different alters and people were involved, and this has been color coded. The following is an introduction to those participating, in the color used whenever they write. Jim is the primary alter being helped. Sharon is Jim’s host. Jennifer is another of Sharon’s alters. Muscles is yet another of Sharon’s alters. Headless is an alter of another group member, whom we have called Mary. Headless has undergone some healing but is still distressed over some things. Punk is another of Mary’s alters. Punk once saw herself as a boy but she has healed considerably. She used to protect and care for a younger alter, Enchanted, but these days they are usually merged. They both know Jesus well and this has greatly contributed to their healing. I’m Grantley. I happen to have a degree in psychology and much experience in helping people with D.I.D. but, except for 6 months as a research assistant, I have never pursued psychology or counseling as a career. My primary ministry is writing and I have literally many hundreds of major webpages on this website, which I established. What I do in helping people with D.I.D. could be done by any Christian filled with the humility, love, patience, gentleness, kindness, faith and faithfulness that the Spirit gives. I prefer to quote key parts of the person’s email and then comment on them. The quotes are in this color. Day 1 Time: 01:17 hours I feel like I’m on a roller coaster ride in dealing with my P.T.S.D. [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder] and DID [Dissociative Identity Disorder]. One minute I’m up and the next minute I’m down. I’m feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to deal with it anymore. I had a session with my therapist today and an alter named Jim came out in the session. He is real, real mean. He is like my father was. My father’s name was Jim. He told my therapist that he likes being mean and that’s how he is. That he doesn’t know how to be nice. He tried to sabotage the session. I don’t know how to deal with all of the mean alters that I have. I know of 3 other ones. I left the session feeling very scared and was afraid that Jim would come out again and that he would encourage [my alters] Jennifer and Brenda to go to the cemetery to torch themselves. He has done that before and only by the grace of God they did not succeed in completing the act. I’m afraid of some of my alters and there are still some new ones coming out. I think Grantley do you not have webpages dealing with mean alters and if you do how do I find them? Does anyone else in the group have mean alters and how do you deal with them? I wrote a poem about what it is like to be on my P.T.S.D. and DID roller coaster ride. I would like to share it with Grantley and the group if that would be okay with everyone. [The following has been considerably abridged. Enough remains to convey the message, even if it butchers the poetry.] My P.T.S.D. AND DID ROLLER COASTER RIDE! Where are you Jesus When I cry out to You? Dear Jesus – please help take me Take me off of my P.T.S.D. and DID roller coaster ride. Jesus – hold me tight Until the ride I’m on stops – for you see I am so frightened – so scared – so sick That if I don’t get off of the ride soon – dead I will be. Asking for this help is hard for me Because I am full of pride. Jesus – sometimes I feel like giving up Sometimes the ride is out of control Flashbacks – nightmares – memories – lapses of time, too I question – is this my life to be. Jesus – I’m hanging on by a thread I close my eyes so I do not see. Let me know that there is hope Hope to get through this strife. Jesus – thank you once again For listening to my cry for help again – for you see. Oftentimes I feel alone Hopefully your truth will set me free. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: An alter named Jim came out in the session. He is real, real mean. I know that this can be scary but it’s a great step forward. Remember that whether you face it or not, he still remains within you and he will remain mean unless you get to know him. He is like my father was. My father’s name was Jim. He almost sounds like an introject but not quite. Introjects (see below) not only act like the abuser, they actually believe they ARE that person. Here’s a short quote from one of my pages: Abusive Alters Often when one takes the time to get to know an alter who is being harsh to fellow alters or hurting them or even sexually abusing them, it turns out that they actually believe they are helping. They might think, for example, that they are toughening up the alters, thus making them less vulnerable to abuse. Or, in the hope of saving the person from even worse abuse, they might enforce an abuser’s oppressive rules about never crying, or punishing them for doing anything the abuser might object to. Often the abusive alter is unaware that the abuser no longer has access to them and so the alter continues the oppression when there is no longer the slightest need. As always, it is important to try to understand what motivates an alter and to gently help the alter see through any misconceptions the alter has. Introjects An introject is a rather amazing type of abuser alter. Until the misconception is exposed, an introject not only acts like an external person the survivor knew, but every alter within the survivor – including the introject alter – actually believes that this alter is not an alter but is the real external person. At first, this seems astounding but it is consistent with the wide range of different things that alters can think themselves, including animals, aliens and so on. Often that external person is someone who abused the person who has this alter. Even though not all external abusers realize it, this type of introject alter enforces the external abuser’s wishes upon the alters when the abuser is absent. Some introjects actually report back to the abuser as informers. Not surprisingly, introjects have themselves suffered immensely. It is important to bring introject alters to the point where they finally realize they are part of the abuse survivor and not part of the external abuser. Helping them discover the current date and that they are in the body of someone other than the abuser can help. Once introjects become loyal to the survivor, the person’s safety is significantly enhanced. -------------- He told my therapist that he likes being mean and that’s how he is. He might have said that but he is actually in deep pain and is acting like this simply because it helps him feel safer. You need to give priority to getting to know him because he could hurt other alters until you calm him. You will win him over by showing him unconditional love, listening to him and gently explaining misconceptions he has and by encouraging him to make Jesus his best friend. Ensure he understands that he is now safe and that because he is safe there is no need for the tough exterior. It will take some time for these truths to sink in. only by the grace of God they did not succeed in completing the act. You have God’s grace. You are safe. do you not have webpages dealing with mean alters and if you do how do I find them. It’s not hard to find, my friend. All my pages on DID are listed at Christian Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) and one page dealing with such alters is very prominent in the list. It is important that you read all the pages. I am so frightened – so scared – so sick That if I don’t get off of the ride soon – dead I will be. You are safe. God is with you. Keep looking to him and he will see you through. Jesus – sometimes I feel like giving up That’s to be expected. Asking for this help is hard for me Because I am full of pride. It’s more likely to be a product of how people have mistreated you, rather than pride. Bless you, Sis! Grantley Day 1 Time: 02:51 hours Who the *#!%@ are you? There Sharon goes again! Trying to accuse me of sabotaging her session today. Does she not know what I’m capable of doing? I’ll just give her nightmares and flashbacks again. I’m good at doing that. I’ll just get her precious Jennifer and Brenda, who I hate, to hurt themselves. I have that much control. I like being mean and don’t try your smooth talking to get me to change. I’ll just get meaner. I had a very good teacher who taught me the tricks of the trade. I like seeing people suffer. Don’t you dare call me sick or try to get me to understand your way of thinking, it won’t work. I hate all of the insiders except for Earl and George, they think the way that I do. You don’t have to reply back. In fact, DON’T – STAY THE *#!%@ OUT OF MY LIFE OR YOU WILL BE SORRY. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I like being mean Interesting. Does it bring you peace? Does it end your pain? Grantley Day 1 Time: 6:46 hours Can’t sleep having nightmares so I checked my e-mails and saw what Jim one of my alters wrote to you Grantley. I am just sick to know that there are alters like him inside of me. And it made me sick to see what he wrote to you, Grantley. After reading it I feel like I need to leave the group. (CRYING) I am scared that Jim will do something to hurt someone else in the group too and that would sadden me. So I want to thank everybody for being there for me. Sorry, I’m too scared and sick to write anymore. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: I am just sick to know that there are alters like him inside of me. Learning about them is a most important discovery. And it made me sick to see what he wrote to you Grantley. I’m so glad he shared. After reading it I feel like I need to leave the group. Not at all. This is what the group is all about. I think I’m going to learn some things because of Jim. I believe in you! Bless you, my friend! Grantley Day 1 Time: 11:32 hours Yes it brings me peace. Peace of mind. Then I’m the one in control not the others. For when they are in control then there is more pain. You will not understand me so WHY EVEN TRY. I am nothing but a speck on the wall in your eyes so don’t try. I do what I do because that is what I had to do. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: For when they are in control then there is more pain. Interesting. I am nothing but a speck on the wall in your eyes Not at all. Whether she realizes it or not, you are very important to Sharon and you are very important to God and to me. I do what I do because that is what I had to do. Am I right in thinking that the father hurt you if ever you didn’t do it? Grantley Day 1 Time: 12:04 hours Why aren’t you scared of me? You should be. And as far as God loving me that’s not true. And as far as my father I’m just like him – mean. Sharon does not like me. I hurt others and that makes her hate me. No one understands me and no one cares, not even God because if He did then nothing would have happened and I wouldn’t have done what I did. You don’t understand. I need to be in control of everything because if I’m not things will happen that are worse. Jim Day 1 Time: 12:17 hours Thanks for the e-mail explaining about alters who may be introjects. This all seems so overwhelming. If I try to love him isn’t that going to make him think that he can continue his mean behavior on all of us? I see he’s been e-mailing you. I’m really scared of him Grantley. And when he knows that he seems to get meaner. Help me understand him please. Sharon Day 2 Time: 04:25 hours I am so mixed up and confused. I’m too tired to fight the battle of dealing with my DID. (CRYING) Jennifer cut. Jim is encouraging her to suicide out. And I feel like it too. It’s all too overwhelming. Where is God in all this? I do not think He is there. I’ve lost faith in Him. Thanks Grantley for everything. Be there for others who haven’t lost the battle. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: I am so mixed up and confused. I’m too tired to fight the battle of dealing with my DID. (CRYING) Jennifer cut. Jim is encouraging her to suicide out. And I feel like it too. This is REALLY tough for you, dear friend. Anyone in your position would find it exceedingly difficult. Please hang on. It will get easier. It’s all too overwhelming It feels that way but even though you are too numb to feel it at present, God is with you and you will make it. Where is God in all this? Crying with you. Believing in you. Loving you. Be there for others who haven’t lost the battle. You haven’t lost. You will make it. I’m proud of you. Grantley Day 2 Time: 12:16 hours Grantley, it is by the grace of God that Jennifer did not suicide out last night. She had a plan and a method and the means. (CRYING) God is an awesome God he saw me through the darkness of the night. I listened to 2 Christian songs over and over. They are I AM NOT ALONE – BY NATALIE GRANT and WHEN I CRY – BY THE GAITHERS VOCAL BAND. They are very powerful songs. They share that we are not alone that He is right beside us through the raging storms. And is there through the darkness. And he is there through our pain. And when we cry He cries and He understands. Grantley, I am so scared. There is so much chaos going on inside. Many of the insiders are afraid of Jim. How do I deal with Jim? I don’t know if I can love him. (CRYING HARD) I need a lot of prayers and support. Thanks for being there for me and thanks to anyone else who showed support last night. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: it is by the grace of God that Jennifer did not suicide out last night. And God’s grace is with you all the time. You are safe because of him. God is an awesome God he saw me through the darkness of the night. And he will continue to do so. There is so much chaos going on inside. Yes, but even though it will take a while, this will slowly settle down. How do I deal with Jim? He needs lots of love and gentleness. He will slowly soften. I don’t know if I can love him. It’s certainly a challenge but ask God for you to be allowed to see him through God’s eyes. Day 2 Time: 23:32 hours LOOK HOW STUPID YOU ARE. YOU BOTH ARE *#!%@ IDIOTS. YOU HAVEN’T WON THE BATTLE YET, I WILL BE SURE YOU DON’T. REMEMBER I AM IN CONTROL NOT YOU. AND THAT JESUS STUFF MAKES ME SICK. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING. HE’S NOT REAL. I’LL WIN OVER YOU. I WILL HAUNT YOU ALL. JENNIFER YOU ARE NOT SAFE AROUND ME DO YOU HEAR ME AND SHARON EITHER ARE YOU. WHY DON’T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU ARE CRAZY. WHY DON’T YOU JUST END IT ALREADY YOU ARE WORTHLESS, CONTAMINATED, DIRTY, AND A *#!%@ WHORE. THAT IS THE TRUTH. I HATE YOU ALL AND I WILL GET REVENGE I ALWAYS DO. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: YOU HAVEN’T WON THE BATTLE YET The only victory we want is for you to feel safe and at peace and valued. WHY DON’T YOU JUST END IT But all of you share the same body, Jim. If they died, it would kill you and we want you to live and enjoy life. Good to hear from you, Jim! Day 2 Time: 23:49 hours Just read Jims e-mail to Sharon and me. I’m really scared. I don’t know what to do. Sharon is scared too. What if he convinces me again to suicide out like he almost won last night. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare with no escape to be found. Will you help us. Thanks Jennifer [To Jennifer from Grantley] You wrote: What if he convinces me again to suicide out Jesus is stronger than anyone in the universe. Call out to him and he will protect you. Day 3 Time: 00:49 hours YOU ARE A FOOL. DON’T YOU KNOW LOVE HURTS? JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: DON’T YOU KNOW LOVE HURTS? Abusers often claim to be loving when they are abusing. So yes, such false love hurts. But real love is selfless and will not hurt the loved one. I’d very much like to be your friend. Grantley Day 3 Time: 01:11 hours Be your friend? You got to be kidding. I am slimier than a snake. I live in the murky clay. I am worthless. I loathe myself. I have been told that I am satan himself. There is no way anyone could love me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to be loved. Like I said love hurts. If you were smart you would not have anything to do with me. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: Be your friend? You got to be kidding. Not at all. I’d love to be your friend. In fact, I would consider it an honor, but I don’t in any way want to offend you by asking you to be my friend. I’m happy for it to be a one way friendship since at this stage you haven’t had a chance to really know me. If you would accept me as a friend, I’d be delighted. I am worthless. I loathe myself. I am so sorry that you loathe yourself but I don’t loathe you in the slightest and neither does God. We see you as priceless. I do not say this lightly. A diamond is just a piece of rock. It can’t love, talk, think. Its worth is based not on what it can do but on what people are willing to pay for it. Diamonds are considered of great value simply because people will pay much to have one. You are far more precious to God than tons of diamonds and he paid a far higher price than all the wealth of a million earths to have you as his best friend. You have an irreplaceable place in God’s own heart. He loves you dearly and tenderly and devotedly. He paid the highest possible price – the willing sacrificial death of his holy Son – to have you as his best friend. I have been told that I am satan himself. Anyone saying such a thing about you does not have the heart of God. There is no way anyone could love me. God loves even those who hate him. Jesus gave his life so that you can be pure in God’s eyes. He can empower you to be a person of honor, and he longs for your permission to do just that. If you were smart you would not have anything to do with me. I believe I can detect kindness in you saying that – that you would not want me to be hurt. God is smarter than either of us, however. He has infinite intelligence and he loves you dearly – in a safe, totally selfless, sexless way. The smartest thing I could ever do would be to take his lead. Your friend, Grantley Day 3 Time: 03:18 hours You make me sick. Enough with the God stuff. You say you want to be my friend. HA HA. With your smooth talking. You’re like a spider who wants to befriend me so that you can snatch me into your web only to devour me and use me for your own good. They were all like that. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You can think and say horrible things about me but you can’t stop me from caring about you. Your friend, Grantley Day 3 Time: 21:16 hours I need prayer! Went to medical doctor and found out I have pneumonia and bronchitis. The climate is very damp and cold where I live. I just had this same thing in November. I’m tired of being sick both physically and mentally. Thanks Sharon Day 3 Time: 02:32 hours I AM SICK OF SHARON BEING SUCH A WIMP. SHE IS SICK AGAIN. MAYBE SHE WILL DIE AND THEN I’LL BE FREE. I AM NOT A PART OF HER. I AM SEPARATE. AND I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANYMORE OF THAT GOD STUFF. SHE MAKES ME SICK AND THAT JENNIFER IS ONE BAD AND EVIL PERSON. SHE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT AND ENDED IT. YOU DON’T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND BECAUSE I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL AND IN THIS GROUP OF YOURS YOU ARE IN CONTROL. THAT’S HOW THEY ALL WERE – IN CONTROL. I SAID ENOUGH. JIM [It is quite upsetting and confusing for an alter to be told what I was about to tell Jim. I would have preferred to have done it slower and gentler but I was suffering from migraines and the pressure of this ministry (Jim’s e-mails were just a tiny fraction of what I faced every day) and I felt that I needed to move fast lest Jim seriously undermine Sharon’s health by not realizing that they shared the same body.] [To Jim from Grantley] Hi, Jim! I’m sorry that I’m not too well or I would try harder to put the following in a gentler, more diplomatic way but the following is the best I can do at present. You wrote: SHE IS SICK AGAIN. MAYBE SHE WILL DIE AND THEN I’LL BE FREE. I AM NOT A PART OF HER I AM SEPARATE. Thank you so much for explaining this. I now understand you much better. You have stayed inside for so long that very much has happened without your realizing it. Are you aware that the year is 2011? Maybe you are – I don’t know – but your above statement is as out of touch as not knowing what year it is. I don’t wish in any way to insult you by saying this but you need to know the truth. Have you looked in the mirror through Sharon’s eyes? If you do you will NOT see a male but an older female – Sharon’s body. Check it out. Whether you like it or not it is an undeniable fact that you and Sharon and Jennifer share the same body and that for either of them to die would kill you. [Comment by Grantley to reader: Telling Jim to look in the mirror worked out very well. Certain alters, however, have such a strong belief as to their appearance that sometimes the result of looking in an external mirror can be variable. For help with such alters, see Helping introject alters find their true identity. I am currently drafting a webpage listing ways for introjects to discover they are not who they think they are.] It is important to be strong and be safe. The most powerful way to achieve this is to get supernatural strength. That’s where God comes in. I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL That’s fine but when you do please try hard to get your facts right. Your friend, Grantley Day 4 Time: 20:56 hours Dear Jim, I’m sorry for the way I have been treating you. I was wrong and I just want to say thank you for all what you have done for me. I know you probably think this is a trick and you might not believe what I’m saying but I do mean it. Jim I want to love you and I know you’re hurting too much to accept that right now but maybe someday you will. Thanks, Jim. Sharon Day 4 Time: 21:02 hours Grantley I’m praying for you. Grantley I have been reading a lot of your webpages and am learning a lot. I am now seeing the importance of loving and accepting each of our alters. I am really trying to love Jim and with the help of Jesus I will someday. I know some of what Jim went through for me and how can I hate him anymore? I e-mailed him a message and I hope he will accept my apology. Take care of yourself Grantley. Thanks Sharon Day 5 Time: 02:14 hours I’m all mixed up and confused. Is that what you wanted from me? To let my guard down so you can lure me into your trap of deception. Ok, so I’m not separate but it doesn’t mean I still don’t have a lot of control. I have a question for you. So if your God is powerful then can I be like him? I’ll be honest I wish I wouldn’t have to be so in control but I’m afraid of what might happened if I let that control go. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] Hi, Jim! You wrote: I’m all mixed up and confused. Is that what you wanted from me. No, I just want you to understand reality so that you can truly help yourself and others. You have the potential to be a huge help but not even the most intelligent person can truly help if he has been denied some key facts. Ok so I’m not separate but it doesn’t mean I still don’t have a lot of control. Yes. Please excuse me if what I’m about to say seems a dumb question but I really don’t know whether you have had a chance yet to get all the facts. Do you know that your father is dead? So if your God is powerful then can I be like him? God is not only all-powerful but he is love. This is an amazing combination. You cannot fervently love someone without aching for that person to love you especially if you know that person desperately needs you in his/her life. To deeply love someone means you could have everything else in the universe, and yet without that person’s love you would still be heartbroken. To love is to make oneself so vulnerable that even having unlimited power could not help. Omnipotence could easily force someone to obey you. Or it could produce something like a love potion, causing a person to be under the illusion of loving you. But genuine love can never be compelled. If it involves force or chemicals or deceit or bribery it is a sham, and can never satisfy your yearning for that person’s love. There are things that not even omnipotence can achieve. It cannot, for example, produce a square circle. It can easily turn a circle into a square, but the instant it has straight sides it is not a circle. Likewise, when someone is forced to act in love, it is not genuine love. Even with unlimited power, there is little anyone could do to induce genuine love in a person, other than be loving and wait for a response. We would be appalled if a man kidnapped a woman and raped and enslaved her because he claims he loves her, wants her as his wife and is convinced he can make her happy. It would be an immoral abuse of power, regardless of whether he used physical force or threats in which case she would be conscious of the violation of her rights or if he used drugs or hypnotism so that she is unaware that what is happening is against her will. Real love respects the desires of the beloved, no matter how much it clashes with the lover’s personal longings, and no matter how certain he is that the person would benefit from a lifelong intimacy with him. I’ll be honest I wish I wouldn’t have to be so in control but I’m afraid of what might happen if I let that control go. I understand. You are a protector alter and you work very hard at it. Have a look at what other protector alters have done and have discovered: To Protector Alters from a Protector Alter Your friend, Grantley Day 5 Time: 03:15 hours You are so stupid. I am Jim. My father is not dead. I’m him. I told you that I’m mean and bad and evil and I enjoy being that. And what about all that love stuff. I don’t understand. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: You are so stupid. I am Jim my father is not dead. I’m him. I see! This is getting clearer than ever. You are what is known as an Introject, which is an alter who believes he is his own abuser. You’re a smart person so you should be able to see the faulty logic when you say, “I am my father.” Logically, it is impossible for anyone to be their own father. If you look in a mirror through Sharon’s eyes you will see the body of an older woman, not your father I told you that I’m mean and bad and evil and I enjoy being that. You have tried hard to convince yourself that you like it – because that is how you think your father was – but deep down you are actually nice and not like that at all. And it is safe to be nice when anyone relaxes and let’s God protect him. And what about all that love stuff. I don’t understand. It means we respect you and think you are important and care about you and want to be kind to you. Your friend, Grantley Day 5 Time: 03:42 hours To Headless: You don’t get it do you. I am mean. I am meaner than mean. I am the scum of the earth. I’ve been told I’m satan himself. I’m sure you don’t want to be friends with me. Grantley is a fool. I conned him into thinking that I bought the thing that I’m a part of Sharon. I am Jim. I am her father. Jim Day 5 Time: 04:39 hours Hi, I’m so mixed up and confused. One minute there is peace inside and now there is just havoc. Jim is claiming that he is my father. Jim was my father’s name. My father died on [a specific date in the early 1990s deleted for privacy reasons]. The parts are scared because they now think that he is alive and is the one e-mailing in this group. They don’t believe me. They are afraid to share anymore because they think he is monitoring everything that they share. How do I convince them that he is dead? I can’t go to the cemetery because that is too dangerous for some of the parts. Can someone give me an answer. Thanks, Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: How do I convince them that he is dead? Do you have any newspaper cuttings or can you access them or something similar on line? Day 5 Time: 05:34 hours Thanks so much for the reply and for explaining about Jim. I need to go to bed. I have pneumonia and bronchitis and am too tired to deal with this stuff anymore tonight, I will work on it tomorrow. Take care of yourself too. Thanks for touching my life with who you are, a beautiful person. Sharon Day 5 Time: 19:57 hours So you say I’m an INTROJECT. Just something that you thought of? WHAT THE *#!%@ IS AN INTROJECT? Explain more about that because I think you are playing games with me. I did look into the mirror and to my horror the mirror deceives me into thinking that you’re right – there was an older woman in it. But I don’t buy it. And as far as you saying you care for me don’t waste your time. I AM POWERFUL. I DO NOT NEED ANYONE. DO YOU HEAR ME. THE ONLY REASON I E-MAIL IS SO I CAN CONTINUE TO MONITOR WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. IN CASE THAT JENNIFER OR ANYONE ELSE E-MAILS HERE AGAIN. GOT TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT. I THINK THAT THEY ARE SCARED. GREAT!!!!!!!!! JIM [To Jim from Grantley] Hi, Jim! Great to hear from you again. You wrote: So you say I’m an INTROJECT. Just something that you thought of? WHAT THE *#!%@ IS AN INTROJECT? www.webref.org/psychology/i/introjection.htm “In psychoanalytic theory, the unconscious incorporation of the values, attitudes, and qualities of another person into the individual’s own ego structure.” www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-dealing-with-ptsd/articles/complex-ptsd-introjects – direct quote below: [I quoted a little more, but it is abridged here] “Introjects are alters who were split off to represent outside people, most typically an abuser . . . Introjects are as convinced as the other parts of the system that they [are] the same as the external people they represent. They think they are separate from the survivors, and separate from the body of the survivor. Many negative introjects will adamantly believe that they could hurt or harm the survivor / host of the system and not be hurt themselves. Introjects typically truly believe they are separate people, but they are, in fact, part of the DID system. For example, an abusive father introject (paternal introject) is an alter that looks, sounds, feels, acts exactly like your father. In fact, from the perspectives of the inside world, it is hard to tell the difference between the inside father and the outside father. A father introject will tell you what to do, how to behave, what to say, what to feel (or not feel), the same as your actual outside father. One of the main purposes of a father introject is to control your behavior when you are away from the father with the same intensity as if you were right in front of him.” Explain more about that because I think you are playing games with me. The above is a direct quote from the website. It wasn’t written by me and you can check it for yourself. You will see (above or at the website) that it actually mentions an alter who thinks he is his father. I did look into the mirror and to my horror the mirror deceives me Your mind was not deceiving you. When you stayed in your internal world you were able to be deceived because you were not looking at reality but creating a fantasy world in your mind. When you looked through Sharon’s eyes you were seeing reality for one of the first times. I understand how highly confusing this is for you and it will take you a while to get used to it. That’s okay. It is not your fault that you are confused and were deceived. It happened because of cruel and heartless things that were done to you by your father – things you never deserved. He tricked you. Now is the time to get your revenge against him by breaking free from his deception and to escape from thinking you have to be like him and begin to become the wonderful person you really are. there was an older woman in it. That is Sharon but it is also you because you share her body and her mind but your mind controls a different part of the brain to that part that she controls and that’s why you both feel like completely different people. This is very confusing and difficult to grasp at first but you are intelligent enough to understand it, even though it will take a while. It seems nuts, but it is reality. And as far as you saying you care for me don’t waste your time. Time spent helping you is never wasted. You are very important. I AM POWERFUL Yes, you are and now that you are beginning to understand more about who you are and who Sharon and the others are, you’ll be better able to use that power intelligently to be a real help. THE ONLY REASON I E-MAIL IS SO I CAN CONTINUE TO MONITER WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. Excellent! The more aware you are the better. Your friend, Grantley Day 5 Time: 21:51 hours Hi Jim, this is Sharon. I would like to share with you something. First of all I’m working on loving you and you are trying to fight anyone caring for you. I know that you are hurting otherwise you wouldn’t have made your presence known to me or the group. Maybe you’re afraid that if someone does love you will get hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. Whether you believe it or not you are a part of me and I realize that you were for a long time. I know you just came out recently. I was the older woman you saw in the mirror today. Jim, I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want you to think that you are not important. You are very important to me. You were there for me years ago. You helped me to survive my horrific childhood. I’m sorry I never acknowledged you before but I didn’t know you existed until recently. Also Jim I gently tell you that you are not Jim my father. He died on [a specific date in the early 1990s deleted for privacy reasons]. I went to his funeral and also to his grave site. It is true he is dead. But you aren’t because you only have his name. According to Grantley you are all confused and understandably so. I hope you will realize some day how important you are to me. And there is someone else who loves and accepts you and that is Jesus. If you want to know more about Him just let me know. I love you Jim and accept you as you are. Jim I hope you will continue to e-mail Grantley who can help you deal with what I told you about you not being my father. You do exist, Jim and your existence is very important to me. Without you being a part of me makes me less whole. Thanks for letting me share with you Jim. Please feel free to e-mail me too. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] Superb email to Jim, Sharon! You are a real inspiration! You wrote: Grantley I’m praying for you. Thank you. I am exceedingly stressed over all my workload. I have been reading a lot of your webpages Thank you so much. and am learning a lot. Great! I am now seeing the importance of loving and accepting each of our alters. I’m thrilled. I am really trying to love Jim and with the help of Jesus I will someday. You will indeed. I know some of what Jim went through for me and how can I hate him anymore. Beautiful! Day 5 Time: 17:46 hours Hi I’m so mixed up and confused. All I have been doing is crying. I’m back on the roller coaster ride, one minute up next minute down. It is havoc inside and I’m tired of it all. When will it stop? I wrote a poem expressing how I feel. I would like to share it with the group. Thanks for letting me and thanks for the support. [The following is abridged] Hello tears – where are you coming from? I ask As you flow down my face. Nightmares – flashbacks trapped Trapped in the confines of my mind. No one to stop it No escape from it – do I find. I am so scared So scared of me. I want to razor-burn my arm So from the inner pain I will be set free. Oh God – where are you While I’m in the depth of despair? Please hear my pleading scream And let me know that you are there – and you care. Will I live? Will I die? If I don’t try Then dead I will lie. Razor crimson red blood flowing down my arm Burning flesh – where are you my friend? No more pain – no more anguish If death were my end. Have to stop that thinking that way Too much to live for – my family – too little time. But what if they look through the windows of my eyes Will they still love me in spite of what they find? I want them to be proud of me And to one day be able to soar up high in the sky. And be free – free like a beautiful butterfly Life is too short Can’t give up – for you see. I want to one day be free To be free to be who Sharon was meant to be. Sharon Day 5 Time: 23:34 hours First of all I want to thank you all for what you have done for me to survive my horrific childhood. And this is also for the parts I don’t know about yet in case you’re reading this while I write this. I just want you to know that our father is dead. He died on [a specific date in the early 1990s has been removed]. He cannot hurt you anymore. Jim the one inside is claiming to be our father but he is very confused about his identity. And I hope with the help of Grantley and the group and our therapist and most of all Jesus that Jim will believe one day that he too is a part of us. I’m sharing this information so that you will all feel free to share whatever you want with me – in this group or with Grantley. And you can share it with Jesus too. He is there 24 hours a day. He is never too busy for us. I am working hard on understanding DID so that I can be there for all of you better. I know I wrote a poem earlier today expressing how I was feeling and I’m sorry if I scared anyone by thinking about dying. With the help of Jesus and by listening to Christian music I once again have things in proper perspective. I hope you will understand what I just shared. And don’t be afraid to ask me anything about anything. I hope this calmed you down and you are no longer afraid. Thanks once again for being there for me. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: I’m sharing this information so that you will all feel free to share whatever you want with me– in this group or with Grantley. And you can share it with Jesus too. He is there 24 hours a day. He is never too busy for us. Beautifully said, Sharon! I am so very proud of you. You are a winner. Great things are ahead for you. I don’t know that I have met anyone who would have coped with the challenges you have found as courageously and wisely as you have. You have my sincere admiration. Day 5 Time: 03:21 hours Hi, Jim. You sound a lot like me. I’m glad you’re talking to Grantley. Man, I can’t tell you how many times I yelled at the dude! He will keep talking with you. I guess he’s kind of like the energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going and going. But as much as he made me mad and I would yell at him, he also started making sense to me somewhere along the way. Keep talking to him. He’ll eventually make sense to you too. By the way, I don’t believe you’re mean. I think you’re a lot like me. You are dealing with lots of pain and I dunno. Talk to yah later. Wanna be friends? Headless Day 6 Time: 00:04 hours To Headless, How do you think you can understand me? You don’t even know me. Pain I’m not in any pain. And as for loving Sharon, that’s a farce. Right now I’m so very mixed up and confused. Too much things coming to me. Too much information. I just need some time to think. You want me to be your friend but I ask WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU? Jim Day 6 Time: 03:58 hours Yes, I do get it. I get it all too well. There is something that is causing you such excruciating pain and perhaps you are holding a bunch of painful stuff for Sharon. You are doing a marvelous job of trying to protect her from further pain. But denigrating yourself is not helping you. It is you, hurting yourself. Trust me. (Well, you don’t have to trust me. You may not be able to at this point in time.) I’ll just tell you and you can choose to believe me or not. And maybe its time for me to look for a different name because I’m not really headless. I used to think so. But I’m not. Ok. I used to view myself as headless. And I still get very, very anxious about all the mistakes we make around here. And I’m really worried that I will make a mistake while talking to you. But I also feel your pain so much that I can’t help but talk to you. I don’t believe you are mean in the least. And you certainly aren’t scum. I believe what I’m telling you so much that I want to be friends with you. I wouldn’t be speaking to you if I really believed you were mean and scum. I believe you really do love Sharon. So much so, that you have taken on a completely separate identity from her so that you can protect her and keep her away from anything resembling what her dad was like. I believe you are attempting to shield her from anything that could even touch her dad. And you are trying so hard to hold onto all of that so that you can keep Sharon safe. But Jim, you don’t have to do that. You can be with Sharon and be safe. May I ask who told you that you were Satan himself? I don’t believe that for a moment. I don’t think you’re anything like him at all. I still wanna be your friend. Is that okay with you? Will you let me? Headless Day 6 Time: 00:08 hours Read your-e-mail and about introjects. And I read what Sharon e-mailed me earlier. I am just very confused and mixed up now about my identity. Is that what everyone wants out of me? Jim [To Jim from Grantley] Hi, Jim! I understand how confusing this is for you. I feel for you. You are not the only person who has had to come to terms with discovering that you are the opposite gender to your body and have a body so different to what you supposed. To see how someone else – a friend of mine – coped, see I Thought I Was The Opposite Sex! Your friend, Grantley Day 6 Time: 02:03 hours Grantley, you are in my prayers. Thanks for all you for being there for us and for Jim. Take care of yourself. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: Grantley, you are in my prayers. Thank you, my friend. Even though I am not well I have got up again to check on you. Every part of you is very important to me. One thing I suggest to any who doubt that your father has died is to ask them the date and then show them a calendar, newspaper, date on computer etc to prove to them the date. Work out how many years have passed since the date they thought it was and use that to prove how old your father would be if he were still alive. Day 6 Time: 18:50 hours I am satan I must be. I am filth I am the scum of the earth. I look in the mirror and that’s what I see. Who am I? I ask. I am a freak. I read your website about being the opposite sex. I don’t want to be a woman. I am a male. This is too confusing for me. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I am satan. I must be. I am filth I am the scum of the earth. Not at all, dear friend. You are actually a very nice person who will be a great friend and help to others inside you and a great friend to others as well. I am a male. This is too confusing for me. Yes, it’s very confusing, but you are no freak. You deserve good friends. What happened is that you were so upset and frightened (and with real cause) because of your father and others who were hurting you that you decided that if you were a man – and especially if you were your father – you would be safer. You became so desperate to be safe that you pretended to be your father and you tried so hard that you ended up convincing yourself. But now very many years have passed and you have changed so much that you are safe being who you really are and you don’t have to let your dad win by acting as if you were him. It’s about time you had some fun and stopped him dominating your life even though he is dead. You deserve it. Your friend, Grantley Day 6 Time: 18:33 hours First of all I’m still praying for you. Are you feeling better? I just want you to know about Jimmy’s concern about Fred. Fred is still alive. He is 86 years old. My dad and mom would be well over 100. My brother was a friend to Fred and he drank and did fishing and other things with my dad. Fred was one of my abusers. I did tell the insiders that Fred was too old to hurt them anymore. And that I am old enough to call for help now, not like in the past. I want to thank you for being there for all of us especially for Jim. I don’t have anyone else to talk about this stuff to other than my therapist. Most of my family believes I am full of demons so I cannot share with them. It is only by the grace that one of my daughters found your site one day. And I thank God for that. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: First of all I’m still praying for you. Thank you. Are you feeling better? I felt a little better for an hour or so but I’m beginning to slide down again. I did tell the insiders that Fred was too old to hurt them anymore. And that I am old enough to call for help now, not like in the past. Good. Are there other things you can do to increase the feeling of security? Pray about it. Most of my family believes I am full of demons I am so sorry. one of my daughters found your site one day. And I thank God for that. Indeed! Day 6 Time: 05:32 hours Hi, Jim. Thanks for writing me! I think I understand you because you are an alter and I am an alter. You have carried pain for Sharon and I have carried pain for Mary. Our hosts could not have survived without our help. Jim, I do believe you are in pain. You said you were mixed up and confused. And you have too many things coming at you. That sounds like a painful spot to be in. It is very painful to me to be confused and mixed up. That is one of the things that hurts me the most, is not being able to figure things out. You said that you need some time to think. That’s a need that I can understand. I feel that way a lot. And for you to want to figure things out shows that you have a lot of love for Sharon. If you didn’t love her, you wouldn’t care. And you wouldn’t want to invest the time to try and figure things out. You asked what’s in it for me for us to be friends . . . Well, I get the chance to reach out to you and encourage you and be there for you the same way others have been there for me. I care a lot about you Jim. Thanks again, for writing! Feel free to write me anytime. Headless Day 6 Time: 19:10 hours To Headless, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND? I AM A FREAK. I BELONG IN A CIRCUS SO EVERYONE CAN LAUGH AT ME. JIM Day 6 Time: 20:43 hours I want to be your friend because I see your pain and nothing would give me more joy than to see you walk through that pain and come out victorious. You are not a freak and you certainly do not belong in a circus. You, my friend, are going through some of the toughest times of pain and confusion. I would like to walk alongside you for your journey toward seeing your beauty for what it is. Jim, I have seen most of your emails. And I see how you are so very careful to direct your frustration and pain and anger at yourself. I see you trying with all your might to shield everyone around you from expressions of anger. If you ask me (which I know you haven’t) I believe you care very deeply for those around you. I believe you strive with everything in you to take care of Sharon. Such characteristics of caring are no where present in satan. Even if he ever did express care and concern for another (which he never does) it would be fake, hypocritical, and with strings attached to use on his selfish desires. Jim, my friend, you are not filled with filth. You may be believing a lot of lies that yours and Sharon’s dad told you over and over to keep you quiet so that he could do all kinds of filthy things to you. That was a cruel, cruel hoax he played on you. As for you being male, well that’s another discussion altogether that I don’t have time to write about just now. I do have some encouraging things I’d like to share with you when I get the chance. I just wanted to write you back quickly so you would know that I’m still here and I still want to be friends. So . . . can we be friends? You may not be ready to answer that. And if you aren’t, its ok. I will wait patiently for your reply. Take care, Jim. I like you a lot. Headless Day 7 Time: 00:21 hours I am feeling very overwhelmed by everything again I decided to watch a kid’s movie for the little ones. And it was good except it triggered some of the insiders. Now I have another part that came out. His name is Muscles. Why are they coming out now? (CRYING) I hurt so bad inside and am so scared. I guess I will have to go inside and see whose hurting. Maybe if they come out again they will share with me their pain. And right now I am going to listen to Christian music so I don’t go down. I’m starting to feel depressed again. Thanks. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: I decided to watch a kid’s movie for the little ones. In theory that’s a good idea but your little alters have suffered so much that even little children’s movies could be far more upsetting to them than to children from a secure background. His name is Muscles. This makes sense. It is similar to Jim in that the alter has been trying to convince himself that he is safer because he is masculine and strong and tough. You now have ways to help Muscles understand that he is safe – show him which year it is, that your father is dead etc. Why are they coming out now? It’s distressing and yet it shows that your alters are gaining confidence in you. They are realizing that at last it seems safe to appear and begin to heal. This will lead to good things, my friend. Grantley Day 7 Time: 02:58 hours Hi I’m muscles. I am 8. I am a part of Sharon. She is helping me write this. I was hurting real bad and Sharon went inside and asked us parts who was hurting. I told her it was me. She met me earlier today. I told her the memory that I had when we watched the kid’s movie today. (CRYING) I scared right now. Sharon said it was okay to share the memory here. And she reassured me that no one could hurt me again. I will tell the memory now. One day Sharon when she was 8 went to a carnival. She was so excited to go that’s what she is telling me now. She had no recognition of the memory until today. She got sick on the rides and decided to go to the beach which was across the street from the carnival. She was walking down the beach when all of a sudden a group of older boys pushed her to the ground. At that point I came into existence. They beat me up and gang raped me. They left me on the beach to die. (CRYING) On that day I made up my mind that I was going to be strong like a man. I shared enough. Sharon is going to hold me now. [At the end of the same email] Muscles, I am so proud of you for what you just shared. (CRYING) Thank you so much for what you have done for me. Muscles thank you for the job that you do inside of trying to protect the other parts. It is very painful for me to hear what happened to you and me. But I know that if we are ever to heal we must go through the pain. I love you. Sharon [To Muscles from Grantley] Hi, Muscles! So good to hear from you, my friend! You wrote: I am a part of Sharon. You are smart to understand this. She is helping me write this. She’s a good friend. She’d make a good mother, too. I was hurting real bad and Sharon went inside and asked us parts who was hurting. I told her it was me. I’m proud of you for telling her. That was brave and smart. Sharon said it was okay to share the memory here. She’s right. There is no need to keep it secret any longer. Secrets get lonely and scary but when we share them they get better. And she reassured me that no one could hurt me again. Yes, I’m so pleased that you are safe now. You never, ever deserved to be hurt and now you have what you deserve – safety. They beat me up and gang How horrible! What terrible boys to do such a thing. They deserved to have been thrown in jail for years for hurting you like that. On that day I made up my mind that I was going to be strong like a man. You wanted to be safe so that no one could do that to you again. I’m so pleased that now you are safe like you deserve to be. I would like you to be our friend, Muscles. Thank you so much, Sharon, for the really brave way you are helping Muscles and other alters. You are an inspiration to us all. Your friend, Grantley Day 7 Time: 17:43 hours I am feeling scared and overwhelmed at what is happening to me. Too much coming at me at once. Besides feeling sick emotionally I am sick physically. I have pneumonia and bronchitis. Woke up this morning feeling very depressed and scared. (CRYING) I think that I’m going crazy. Too many parts to deal with. Not enough strength to carrying on it seems. I cry out to God and not sure if He hears me. But I know His son Jesus loves me and will help me get through the darkness once again if I cry out to Him. Right now I need His light to get me through the darkness. I know I’m not alone and that He is always there for me. I just want to die but I know that that is not the answer. I need prayers and support. Thanks Sharon Day 7 Time: 21:11 hours I am a *#!%@ freak. I look in the mirror and see an elderly woman. THAT CAN’T BE. I AM A MAN INSIDE. DO YOU HEAR ME. I NEED TO BE STRONG AND A WOMAN IS WEAK COMPARED TO A MAN. SOMEONE IS PLAYING TRICKS WITH ME. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I am a *#!%@ freak. No, dear friend. You are a survivor – a hero who has overcome horrific things that would have killed very many people. I NEED TO BE STRONG The very fact that you have survived proves how strong you are. Moreover you have won without being cruel and nasty like your tormentor – your father. And because you have won you can at last begin to relax and enjoy life. And Sharon knows God really well. He longs to give you supernatural protection and security – far better than any physical strength. SOMEONE IS PLAYING TRICKS WITH ME. I understand how confusing it is to you, dear friend. It would be a huge shock for anyone. But even though it has understandably shaken you, you have inner strength and you will cope with this and do well. I believe in you, Jim, and so does God. Your friend, Grantley Day 10 Time: 04:51 hours You talk about your God like He has magic powers. I DON’T THINK SO. SHARON THINKS SHE KNOWS ME, SHE DOESN’T. I DON’T WANT HER TO KNOW ME AS LONG AS SHE KNOWS THAT I’M A MAN AND I AM STRONG. HOW CAN YOUR GOD BE STRONG? HE IS INVISIBLE. I AM A FREAK. I SHOULD BE IN A CIRCUS WHERE EVERYBODY CAN LAUGH AT MY FREAKYNESS. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I MUST REMAIN STRONG. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: You talk about your God like He has magic powers. You don’t have to be a genius to work out that God is far more powerful than any human. HOW CAN YOUR GOD BE STRONG? HE IS INVISIBLE. Being invisible is one of his wonderful powers but it doesn’t mean he is not real. He doesn’t want to scare you so he won’t force himself on you, but if you ask him to, he is eager to reveal himself to you in a non-threatening way and be your friend. I AM A FREAK. I SHOULD BE IN A CIRCUS WHERE EVERY BODY CAN LAUGH AT MY FREAKYNESS. You are a nice person and I would be proud to be your friend. I MUST REMAIN STRONG. That’s okay. I just want to be your friend. Grantley Day 10 Time: 02:05 hours Hi I need prayers. Feeling overwhelmed with more parts coming out. Don’t know how to deal with them all. i am angry at my father for what he and his drunken friends and my brother and sisters for the abuse that they did to me. And for me to end up having to deal with DID in my adult life because of them. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. At times it seems hopeless. I sometimes only have the faith of a mustard seed. Can anyone relate? I need to reach out to Jesus again so I don’t go down fast. Really need support right now. Am feeling better physically. Yesterday I slept off and on during the day. I felt much better today for doing that. Thanks. Sharon [To Sharon from Grantley] You wrote: Feeling overwhelmed with more parts coming out. I’m not surprised. I am astounded at how superbly you are doing. You are showing great courage, wisdom and persistence. Don’t know how to deal with them all. I am confident that our Lord will continue to empower you. I am angry at my father And rightly so. God himself was furious at the atrocious way you were treated. And for me to ending up for having to deal with DID in my adult life because of them. Yes but this will turn around for your never-ending glory. Have a look at God Isn’t fair? and the pages it leads to. At times it seems hopeless. You are a winner. You have had very many highly significant victories of late and you will soon start reaping the benefits. I sometimes only have the faith of a mustard seed. That’s all it takes. Here’s something I know you’ve read but a reminder might help: Take heart from the man exalted as Scripture’s prime example of faith. (Romans 4; Galatians 3:6-9; Hebrew 11:8-19; James 2:21-23) In an early chapter of Genesis, God tells Abraham on two separate occasions that he will give him the land and descendants. (Genesis 12:2,7) Just four verses later we find Abraham humiliating Sarah, denying that she is his wife. In cowardly deceit, he stands dumbly by as Pharaoh marries Sarah and takes her into his harem. (Genesis 12:10-16) Next chapter, God yet again details the promise of land and descendants. (Genesis 13:14-17) Nevertheless, two chapters on, we find Abraham expecting to die childless. For a fourth time God insists he will give Abraham descendants. At last the old fossil believes. The Lord, thrilled with Abraham’s re-found faith, repeats his vow to give him the land. In disbelief, Abraham asks for a sign. (Genesis 15:2-8) With divine patience God dramatically shows the mighty man of faith not only his future descendants, but what will happen to them. In the next chapter we find our faith model throwing away any hope of a miracle from God. He resorts to dubious natural means to forcibly accomplish what God seems unwilling to do. He bypasses his wife and turns to her maid for a baby. (Genesis 16:1-3) Years later, the Lord yet again reaffirms his promise to Abraham and declares that Sarah would conceive. Abraham laughs. He is sure his wife has more potential as an Egyptian mummy than as a Hebrew one. ‘She’s too old. Just bless Ishmael,’ is the crux of his reply. (Genesis 17:17-18) Yet the Lord persists. One more time our hero gropes for that slippery fish called faith. Before long, he is again passing off Sarah as his sister, showing more faith in his powers of deception than in God’s integrity. This time it is King Abimelech who almost has a go at impregnating Sarah. (Genesis 20:2-3) Just weeks later, (assuming Genesis 18:10 to 21:2 are in chronological order) she conceived Abraham’s baby. Faith is not a non-stop flight above reality; it’s a fight. What distinguishes people of faith is not how rarely they hit the dirt, but how often they get up again. To be perpetually positive is impossible. The mere attempt embroils us in prayer battles and Abrahamic effort. The enemy often flees to his corner, only to prepare for the next round. You might even have climbed out of the ring, but the reward for getting back in exceeds anything anyone could offer. ‘Lord, increase our faith,’ pleaded the disciples. ‘If you have faith the size of a mustard seed . . .’ came the reply. (Luke 17:5-6) Perhaps our greatest need is not huge faith, but to fully use our small faith. Perhaps we miss out because we devalue our faith, not using it to the fullest because we wrongly imagine that tiny faith is too insignificant to move the hand of God. If faith is more valuable than gold, (1 Peter 1:7) the merest speck is too precious to despise. Do not let feelings of inadequacy strangle your faith. Just keep pressing on. Past greats achieved much with floundering faith. So can you. Like everyone, my faith levels fluctuate. Usually I am aware that a few moments dwelling on faith-building truths or squashing negative thoughts would boost my faith a little, but I foolishly let myself remain at a lower faith level than I know I am capable of. I have failed to take faith as seriously as Scripture does. If it is as valuable as Scripture affirms, then only a fool would pass up an opportunity to slightly increase it. If our Lord valued faith at a dollar, then a one percent increase is not worth bothering about. What can you do with a cent? If common faith is of immense value, however, everything changes. On a million dollars, one percent is $10,000 – well worth a little effort! Am feeling better physically. I’m so pleased!!! Your friend, Grantley Day 11 Time: 15:22 hours WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS FREAK? WHY DO OTHERS IN THE GROUP WANT TO BE FRIENDS? IS IT ALL FOR YOUR PLEASURE OF BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AT ME? I DON’T UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR GOD. PLEASE TELL ME WHY HE WOULD HAVE EVEN MADE ME. WHY DO I EVEN EXIST. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS FREAK? Because you are not a freak. You are a beautiful person that I would feel honored to have as a friend. Just as you are not Jim, even though it seemed so certain to you that you were, so you are not a freak, even though it seems at present to you that you are. I DON’T UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR GOD. PLEASE TELL ME WHY HE WOULD HAVE EVEN MADE ME. WHY DO I EVEN EXIST. You are precious to God and he longs to lavish his blessings upon you. It broke his heart when your Dad treated you the horrific way that he did and he longs to heal you from all the pain and distress and confusion it has caused you. The only thing stopping him is that because he is not an abuser he will not force himself upon you. He is desperate to help but is forced to wait for you to give him your permission. You truly can trust him. He is safe and kind and gentle. Bless you, my friend! Grantley Day 12 Time: 17:04 hours I want to believe that you really want to be my friend but what if it’s just a joke? I still need to be in control. I’m not sure about your God either. Sharon is trying to get me to know about your and her God and about his son named Jesus. Who is he? She said he died on the cross for all of our sins. I did too many bad things for him to forgive me. Why would you like to be my friend when you know nothing about me and of all the mean and sadistic things that I did? Once you know about that you will think otherwise about being my friend. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I did too many bad things for him to forgive me. No, my friend. In fact, God is particularly close to those who feel that way. It is the hypocrites who think they are good who sadden him. Those who look to him for forgiveness fill him with compassion and he longs to cleanse them and exalt them. God is totally selfless and longs to transform people and make them people of beauty and usefulness, but his longing is continually frustrated by people not letting him help them. He joyfully rushes to the aid of those who let him help. Why would you like to be my friend when you know nothing about me I know a fair bit about you now, but my longing to be your friend is not based on you being good but on the fact that you are infinitely important to God and he sees you as someone who with him can achieve great things. What you have done in the past means nothing to me because the moment you ask God’s forgiveness, he wipes all that away and makes you as if you had never done it. Your friend, Grantley Day 12 Time: 18:35 hours I am so mixed up and confused. The [date deleted] of this month is the anniversary of my father’s death. I am very frightened for that day to come. Every year when that day came we went to the cemetery to torch our self. But we never completed the act, only by the grace of God. I am having flashbacks and losses of time. I also am having body memories. When I eat it all taste like gasoline. My father would pour gasoline over my pets and set them on fire and then would pour gasoline over me and threatened to do the same to me. I don’t want to eat now. I don’t want to sleep either. But I know that I’m having flashbacks even during the day time. I feel like I’m in a maze and can’t find my way out. I wrote a poem expressing how I feel being in that maze. I would like to share it with the group. [Slightly abridged] THE MAZE! I find myself in a maze Not sure which way I’m going – for you see. I’m so mixed up and confused That dead I want to be. I search and search To find my way out. But the more I search I end up feeling doubt. So I continue on my journey in the maze Never knowing where I’m going – for you see. There are too many turns and dead ends Too scary for me. Monsters are in the maze Monsters from my past. They try to engulf me To find my way out is my task. As I continue in the maze My soul is scared deep. Because in the maze My scarlet red rage – seeps. I want out of the maze Too frightened I am – but you see. I realize that I’m not alone That Jesus is in the maze with me. He will help me out of the darkness The darkness of the maze – for you see. He helped me before – so many times Because He loves me. So today I will reach out Reach out to Jesus – to set me free. Free from the maze Where once again life will be – for me. Sharon Day 10 Time: 01:23 hours jim my name is punk. i am an alter of Mary. headless told me about you. do you no her? i merged with enchanted. she is anuther alter of Mary. i do not rite much becos i am part of enchanted now. but i wanted to seperat long enuf to rite to you. you see i had to be ruff and tuff. i had to be a boy so i culd protect enchanted and keep Mary safe. i stood gard all day and nite most of the time. i was the first to rite grantley after Mary rote. i used to ball my fist at God and yell at him. i told him i was not going to let him hurt Mary or enchanted ever agin. when i started riting to grantley i thot i was a bad boy becos i did not beleeve in God. grantley hleped me to see that the god i thot was god was not him at all. and one day enchanted and i made frends with the reel God. the reel God hleped me also to see that it was not my job to stand gard all day and nite. it was his Gods job to keep us safe. when i met and made frends with the reel God i also found out that he likes to play. enchanted and i hav played lots of games with him. and he is fun. God also tot me that i do not hav to be a boy to stay safe. one day i desided that i was a girl. i gru my hare long. enchanted did not like that so i cut it off for her. but i am still a girl. that is okay with enchanted. i still like boy things. i like stomping in mud puddels and bilding forts and climing trees and other boy things. i am a tom boy. enchanted likes reely girly things. she likes curly hare and pretty cloths and stuf like that. i have lerned that it is ok for enchanted to like thos things and enchanted has lerned that it is ok for me to like boy things. jim you do not hav to protect Sharon any more. God will do that. he wants you to play and hav fun and injoy Sharon. hedles wanted me to rite to you. i hop it is ok that i rote. if you want we can be frends. also grantley is one of the best frends you can hav to. jesus is reely fun to. even tho jesus nos everything he still plays hide and seek with me and enchanted. and we laf and he hugs us and every thing. jesus is the best frend to hav. i hav to go. punk. Day 12 Time: 21:55 hours TO HEADLESS AND PUNK Why would you like to be friends with someone like me? I did a lot of mean and sadistic things. You don’t even know me. JIM Day 12 Time: 04:42 hours Jim, I want to be friends with you because I know you want to do what is best for Sharon. I want to do what is best for Mary. I never knew, honestly, just how bad I was hurting until I started reading what you were writing. You see, I see you trying so hard to hold it together. I tried so hard to hold it together too. Only I thought part of me holding it together was for me to die. I knew I made a LOT of mistakes and most of the time I thought I WAS a mistake. And I carry all of Mary’s mistakes and all those of everyone who lives with her. Jim, I know you want to be strong and that you have Sharon’s best intentions at heart. I can see it clearly because I have Mary’s best intentions at heart. If only I can carry all her mistakes, then everything will be alright. Right? Unfortunately I’m not able to carry all of them. They are too heavy. I don’t know what the solution is to that problem either. Jim, I don’t think you are mean. I just think you want to do right by Sharon. And I don’t know what sadistic is. So I can’t comment on that. Hey, can I tell you something? I think that I’d like to make friends with Jesus. And if you would like to come with me, we could go together and make friends with Him. I have to go for now. I will try to write again soon. Headless Day 13 Time: 04:44 hours I have been reading all of the e-mails in this group. And there is a lot said about this so called Jesus. And you told me that he forgives sinners like me. Is this really true? Sharon says all I have to do is ask him for forgiveness. But if I do, will I still be able to be in control? And will I someday not be a man inside? I don’t want to be weak. Grantley, I would like you to be my friend. You seemed pretty honest and caring. But once I share my stories will you be that for me? JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I have been reading all of the e-mails in this group. And there is a lot said about this so called Jesus. And you told me that he forgives sinners like me. Is this really true? Yes. I understand how difficult this is to believe because most people give up on bad people and are selfish. Jesus is so very different. He is God’s Son and came from heaven. He really cares for people and it is him who makes us different and makes us want the best for you and not be concerned about any bad things you might have done in the past. Sharon says all I have to do is ask him for forgiveness. You can trust Sharon. She truly knows Jesus. He is her friend. I don’t want to be weak. With Jesus you will be stronger and safer than ever before. Grantley I would like you to be my friend. Thank you, Jim! That makes me feel really warm inside. I count it a great honor to be your friend. But once I share my stories will you be that for me. I would very much love to hear your stories and to prove how nothing you have done in the past affects my respect for you. As far as I am concerned, the past has totally gone because Jesus forgives it all. There is, however, an unfortunate problem if anything you did is against the law and you are not ready to tell the police. I want to forget about it all but unfortunately the police don’t want to forget and the whole group read these emails and as much as we hate it we are forced to obey the law and the law might force us to tell police. So please keep quiet about anything that might be of interest to police but I would love and respect you no matter what bad things you might have done. Bless you! Grantley Day 13 Time: 05:28 hours I don’t even know where to begin. I came into existence when Sharon was 2 and have been there until she was 18 1/2. I was forced to kill her pets in whichever way that her daddy told me to do. I thought if I was like him that I could be powerful. I hated being mean and doing those mean things but I knew if I didn’t do what he said Sharon would have died. I was forced to hurt her brother too. (CRYING) Grantley deep down inside I didn’t want to be mean and sadistic but I was scared. I was scared we would die if I didn’t do what he said. I continued to act like him so as to survive. Does any of this make any sense to you? Daddy did mean things to me. I took the beatings and the burnings that her daddy did to Sharon. I was beaten with chains and there is so much more but I’ve shared enough. I hope you will still be my friend. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I came into existence when Sharon was 2 and have been there until she was 18 1/2. Wow! You have seen a lot of horror – horror that no one should have to suffer. I was forced to kill her pets in whichever way that her daddy told me to do. This in no way makes you a bad person. It was forced on you. Your father used it as a way of terrorizing you and if you had not been horrified by what you did, it would not have affected you. Your father forced you to do this because he knew you had a tender, compassionate heart. I hated being mean and doing those mean things but I knew if I didn’t do what he said Sharon would have died. Yes. Alters are often formed as a result of being put in a no win situation and abusers chose these impossible situations so that no matter what the person does the victim will be filled with regret and feel guilty over what she had to do. Grantley deep down inside I didn’t want to be mean and sadistic I completely believe you. I was scared we would die if I didn’t do what he said. Yes, and your father did everything he possibly could to ensure you were terrified out of your mind. Does any of this make any sense to you. Perfectly. Daddy did mean things to me. Yes. I took the beatings and the burnings that her daddy did to Sharon. Sharon is right in thanking you for this. I hope you will still be my friend. Absolutely. I see you as a hero and as someone who can be empowered by God to be a huge blessing to very many people. Proud to be your friend, Grantley Day 13 Time: 14:07 hours Jim, I’m so proud of you for what you have shared. I thank you for what you did to help me survive my horrific childhood. Jim I’m so sorry that you had to experience what you did for me. (CRYING) Jim, God loves you and so do I. I’m glad that you accepted Grantley as your friend. You are not alone. Jesus is there for you. I encourage you to accept Him in your heart. Sharon Day 13 Time: 16:15 hours To Grantley & Jim Grantley, can you please tell me what happens when we give Jesus all our mistakes? I mean, its a LOT to give him. I want to give them to Jesus and I know about the cross. I just can’t figure out how all that works. I also want to say that I do not wish to die anymore. I wish I could say that. The reason I can’t quite say that right now is that I don’t understand how Jesus can make things better about my mistakes and Mary’s mistakes. When you make mistakes, it hurts lots of people. And I feel like I have hurt a lot of people. And Grantley, if I died, then I couldn’t be friends with Jim. Thank you for the last email you wrote to Jim. I wanted to find words to help him feel better and I didn’t know how. You said exactly what I wanted to say, only better than I could. Jim, I’m right there with you in wanting to be friends with Jesus. And, Jim, please know that I care very deeply about you. I’ve seen you write that you fear that I and others will laugh at you. Jim, I will never knowingly do anything like that at all. I won’t laugh at you. You are a very special person to me. I want to be very good friends with you. I will wait for you. Whenever you are ready. Headless [To Headless from Grantley] Hi, Headless! You wrote: Grantley, can you please tell me what happens when we give Jesus all our mistakes? I mean, it’s a LOT to give him. Jesus has borne the sins of the entire world. It’s already been done but he doesn’t force us. We simply have to agree to the fact that he has already died for our sins. You have wanted to die. Jesus has already died for you. So anything you thought you could achieve through dying he has already achieved – and more – for you. And Grantley, if I died, then I couldn’t be friends with Jim. Yes, you being friends with Jim is an example of the good you can now achieve because of Jesus and of the good things that can now begin happening to you. Thank you for the last email you wrote to Jim. I wanted to find words to help him feel better and I didn’t know how. You have done extremely well with Jim. Thank you for caring so much for him. Day 15 Time: 02:47 hours How do I deal with all of the horrific things that happened to me for Sharon? I still feel like a freak, a man in a female body. Will that ever change for me? I’m tired of hurting. I just think it would be better if I ended it. Then no more pain, no more flashbacks no more self-loathing. I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF *#!%@. I BELONG IN A MANURE PILE WITH THE PIGS. I HATE MYSELF. MY DAD WAS RIGHT, I AM NO GOOD. I AM SATAN HIMSELF. I AM BAD AND EVIL. I’VE DONE BAD THINGS. SOMEONE, PLEASE DO YOU EVEN CARE. I DON’T NO MORE. TODAY MY DAD DIED IN [a year in the 1990s has been removed]. I AM JUST LIKE HIM. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: How do I deal with all of the horrific things that happened to me for Sharon. I still feel like a freak, a man in a female body. Will that ever change for me. Things will get better and better for you, dear friend. Your father greatly messed with your mind by the horrific things he did but you will fully heal. Healing is a process but you are already well on the way. For example, you have no longer been duped into thinking that you are your father. You are now free to be the person you really are, which is someone nice. I’m tired of hurting Of course you are. I just think it would be better if I ended it. Your pain will end. God wants so much for it to end and he wants you to let him heal you. His way, however, is that the pain end and your father loses i.e. that instead of your father crushing you, you enjoy life and become a huge blessing to other people. I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF *#!%@. No, that is believing your father’s lies. I BELONG IN A MANURE PILE WITH THE PIGS. No. You have a beautiful heart and can achieve great things with God. MY DAD WAS RIGHT I AM NO GOOD. No one who hurts little children like he did is right. He was extremely wrong in what he did and in what he said. I AM BAD AND EVIL Not when you let God make you a new, good, beautiful person. TODAY MY DAD DIED IN [year deleted]. I AM JUST LIKE HIM. You are nothing like him. Who will you choose to believe: the all-powerful God who cannot lie or your father? Your friend, Grantley Day 15 Time: 13:40 hours Jim, I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. I’m proud of you, Jim, as far as you have come. With time we will heal. Don’t give up. If you die we all die. Jim, I will pray for you that you will someday feel like a woman. That will take time but like Grantley said you have come to accept that you are not my father, that is a big step. Jim, thanks for all you have done for me. I love you. Sharon Day 16 Time: 05:04 hours I want to believe you so bad about the things you have said to me. But I’m scared that maybe it’s not all true and then the hope I might have felt will be blown away. When will it get better? I know that Sharon is really trying hard to work with me. I’m glad that she joined this group. JIM [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I want to believe you so bad about the things you have said to me. But I’m scared that maybe it’s not all true and then the hope I might have felt will be blown away. I understand but what I say is true and if you don’t believe it you will be robbing yourself of so much peace and healing. When will it get better? Healing is a long journey. You will experience improvements long before full healing and you will seem to experience setbacks from time to time, not because of you but because of new alters who surface and are not as healed as you. But don’t take my word for it, talk to God about it. He doesn’t lie and he knows everything. I know that Sharon is really trying hard to work with me. Yes, I’m pleased that she is. You deserve it. I’m glad that she joined this group. Me too, and I feel honored to know you. Your friend, Grantley Day 19 Time: 19:28 hours [From Headless to the Group] TOO MANY MISTAKES IN JUST ONE MINUTE!!! I NEED TO DIE!!! MARY HAD TO GET AN RX FILLED. I SAW SOMEONE SHE KNEW AND CALLED HIM BY A DIFFERENT NAME. TWO TIMES. I SAID SOMETHING MARY DIDN’T LIKE. I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PHARMACIST WAS SAYING TO US. I MUTTERED UNDER MY BREATH. MARY LOOKED LIKE AN INSANE PERSON. I WALKED AROUND MUTTERING UNDER MY BREATH. I WAS AUDIBLE TO OTHERS. EMBARRASSED. WE SEE THIS MAN IN OTHER PLACES ALL THE TIME. I SLAPPED MARY IN THE FACE FIVE TIMES EACH SIDE. HARD!!! I NEED TO DIE. SHE WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT ME. I LOST OUR CAR. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING HERE. I NEED TO GO. MARY NEEDS TO COME BACK. I NEED HER TO BE HERE. PLEASE! I NEED TO DIE, RIGHT NOW!!! Day 19 Time: 19:34 hours Hi Headless this is Jim. I am so sorry you are feeling the way that you are. Please do not die then all of you die. And then I would not have you as a friend and that would make me feel sad. I will pray for you. JIM Day 25 Time: 14:37 hours Grantley it has been sometime since I shared anything. I want you to know that I accepted Jesus on Sunday. Sharon is so happy for me. I have a problem and would like to know from you how to solve it. Sharon has 2 other parts that were like me: George and Earl. They are really causing a lot of havoc of late. I am trying to get them to change their ways like I did. And they just think that I’m a traitor and a wimp. But I want them to know that they can have power besides being mean. I remember when I thought that in order to have power I had to be mean. Right now they are really angry at me for sharing this and I hope they don’t cause anything mean against Sharon. Maybe I shared enough. I would appreciate your advice in this matter. Thanks Grantley for being there for me and Sharon. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] Hi, Jim! I’m thrilled to hear from you again! I’d love to be writing many more emails to the group but sadly there are only 24 hours in the day and it seems to me that I could better help the group by writing more webpages and that is something that takes me a huge amount of time. Nevertheless, my eyes lit up when I saw your name in the subject line because you have become especially dear to me and I’m keen to write to you. You wrote: I want you to know that I accepted Jesus on Sunday. Wow! I’m over the moon! Congratulations, Jim!!! I have a problem and would like to know from you how to solve it. Thank for you sharing with me. I am trying to get them to change their ways like I did. Well done! And they just think that I’m a traitor and a wimp. I am so sorry you are suffering this misunderstanding from these dear alters. They don’t realize as yet how much strength and courage it takes to stop being mean and that being mean is really the wimpy way. But I want them to know that they can have power besides being mean. Yes – supernatural power. The power of Almighty God. Right now they are really angry at me for sharing this I admire your courage. What George and Earl most need is patience and kindness, like I showed you. They will come round, just like you did, even though – as you did (but I didn’t believe it!) – they are likely to give the impression that they are beyond hope. Dear God, I thank you so very much for Jim and the beautiful things you are doing in his life. I praise you that you are making him so strong and courageous and someone I am very proud to call my friend. Help my dear friend to always know that by going your way he is doing the smart thing and choosing the safest and best possible course. I pray for dear George and Earl. My heart breaks to think of how cruelly they have been treated and how much they have suffered. Help them to realize how much it breaks your heart, too, and how much you long to bear their pain and bring them safety and peace and joy. Help them to realize that they are now safe. Give Jim much patience, wisdom and gentleness in being their friend. May he listen patiently to them and get to know their pain even though it hurts him to hear of it. May he thank them for what they did in bearing that pain and help them to realize that they no longer have to do this alone. Dear Jim, your story is so amazing and inspiring. It would help many people to hear of the way you discovered that you are not your father and how you have begun to enjoy the beautiful life that God has planned for you. I deeply respect you and will do nothing without your permission and if you agree I will change names to completely preserve your confidentiality, but could I have your permission to make into a webpage the emails you and I have exchanged? It would be a lot of work for me but I believe it is important. As I said I believe it would help many people but I will do nothing without your full approval. Your friend, Grantley Day 26 Time: 19:34 hours Grantley, I would agree for you to use me as an example in your webpage. If it will help others that would make me feel good. I feel honored to have you as a friend. Jim [To Jim from Grantley] You wrote: I would agree for you to use me as an example in your webpage. If it will help others that would make me feel good. Wow! Thank you so very much. I believe it will help many people. I feel honored to have you as a friend. That’s how I feel about you. :) Day 27 Time: 01:03 hours [In response to an e-mail by someone else’s alter] Hi Robert, I am Jim, a part of Sharon. I’m sorry you feel the way you do about yourself. I too felt the same way about myself. I thought I was from the pit of mire. And I thought I was a freak and a worthless pile of *#!%@. But with the help of Grantley and the group and with the help of Jesus, I no longer feel that way. I now know that I’m of worth. I, too, did unthinkable things and hated myself for it but learned that I was forced to do those things in order for Sharon to survive her horrific childhood. I will pray for you that you will one day soon see all of the lies that were told to you. Please feel free to e-mail me if you want to share anything with me or if you have any questions to ask me. Jim Post Script Sharon and her alters are continuing to heal. The following, for example, is from George, who had earlier regarded Jim as a traitor and a wimp. Day 65 I want to thank all of you who e-mailed me. I want to thank you for being there for me. And thanks for not judging me for what I shared. I am so blessed to be a part of Sharon’s [inner] family. I know I wasn’t always there for them but now I see the light. I want you all to know that I have accepted Jesus in my heart today. I feel so warm inside. I now know what it feels like to not be alone and that He is always there for us and to realize how much I am loved by Jesus. It feels so good. I know I am forgiven for my sins. I know He loves and accepts me. I am really sorry that I didn’t e-mail individually the ones that e-mailed me but I didn’t want to exclude anyone. Although the abuse happened when I was five years old, in reality I know I’m older now and that years have gone by since we were abused, and that we don’t have to worry about being abused again. Thanks again for everything and for this group. George Related Webpages Real-Life Counseling a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter Angry, Bad, Mean, Nasty Alters (Insiders) © 2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.com  Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. [D.I.D. Help] [Sexual Abuse] [Many Other Topics] [E-Mail Me!] [Bless & Be Blessed by Facebook] [Daily Quotes] [My Shame]

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