- I was still disobeying Matthew 5:28
-
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed
adultery with her in his heart.
- I was obviously rebelling against his will for my life;
- My daydreaming binges cut severely into the amount of time I spent in prayer for others.
- I had become addicted to pornography.
- I had become addicted to masturbation.
I thought it couldnt possibly happen to me!
The whole idea was ridiculous!
I was an elderly Christian widow; with high moral standards and quite
active in my church. Besides, how can anyone fall in love over the
Internet? Theres no physical contact.
So I felt it was quite all right for me to keep emailing a married
Christian man. How naive I was! To start with, I just wanted to thank him
for his Bible messages on the Internet. He replied courteously and right
from the word go, we seemed to click. His webpages comforted me in my
loneliness. I sensed his warmth and compassion, and I soon felt I could
unburden my heart to him.
I did; warts and all.
His reply was so kind and non-judgmental and understanding, that I began to
think of him as a soul-mate, a kindred spirit. And our conversations
became deep and meaningful. I felt absolutely at home with him there
was nothing I didnt feel free to share with him.
Soon emails from him became like a drug to me I had to have them. I
became totally absorbed with this man. I thought of him morning, noon and
night, dwelling on the kind and supportive things he had said in his
emails.
And where was God in all this? I had pushed God aside. This man now
meant much more to me than God did. After all, he would give me instant
feedback; which isnt always Gods way of doing things. Oh I still had my
Quiet Time first thing when I got up. Not that there was anything quiet
about it. I had to force my mind to keep focused on the words of
Scripture while my heart was saying,
How soon can I get through this so I can get online and read his
latest email?
Didnt I have misgivings about the intensity of my feelings for this
man? Of course I did; after all its the work of the Holy Spirit to
convict us of sin. And so I spoke to my spiritual mentor.
He expressed compassion for my loneliness, and said that he would pray
for me; but also said that he would hold me accountable. He did not
neglect to warn me that I would end up being badly hurt. (He was extremely
accurate about that!)
But I didnt care I kept on writing. If we were only exchanging our
THOUGHTS on various Christian issues or current affairs, we were fine. It
was when we started discussing our FEELINGS on personal matters that
things started to go wrong.
Our discussions became more and more personal and intimate. Instead of
just sharing our ideas, we were sharing our hearts. At last neither of us
could evade the truth any longer. Our correspondence had become very
sinful in Gods eyes. We were discussing things that caused my imagination
to stray longingly into forbidden areas. By so doing I was grieving my
Lord. It had to stop.
We both sought Gods forgiveness, and each others. And that should
have been the end of it. But, as I said, this mans emails were like a
drug to me. I needed my fix. And I knew that I needed Gods help to
genuinely repent. I didnt want to give this man up. My repentance wasnt
genuine. And I was very much aware that only Christ in me could overcome
in this situation.
I soon discovered something else - it is one thing to give up a sinful ACTIVITY - it can
be altogether a much harder thing to give up a sinful ATTITUDE, especially when it
doesnt FEEL sinful!
I tried to argue with God about this.
But Lord, youre the one who created people to love each other. And I havent
committed any sin with him. I couldnt even if I wanted to - hes thousands of miles
away!
I knew I had to repent about the way I felt about this man. - because what I was
choosing to call "love", the Bible actually calls lust and evil desires.
Indeed the Bible clearly tells us in Col 3:5
And the original Greek word for evil means worthless, depraved, or wicked. And the
original Greek word for desires means a longing (especially for what is forbidden), lust.
And in passionately loving a man who already belonged to someone else, I was lusting
after something that was forbidden.
What made this love even harder to give up was that I had spent a great deal of time
thinking about this man and how desirable he was in every way. And these trains of
thought had become embedded in my heart as well as my mind.
Ever tried to bargain with God?
I assure you - it doesnt work!
In cyber space I just lived for my contact with this man.
In the real world I was still hoping that a man of Gods choice might come into my life.
I tried to accept the fact that more than likely God wanted me to stay single.
I was a Senior Citizen as they say, but still capable of, and longing for marriage in
the fullest sense of the word.
Lord, I know its highly likely that Ill never marry again. And my day-dreaming about
this man gives me so much pleasure and cant hurt him, since he doesnt know about it.
Wheres the harm?
The Lord promptly showed me that there were at least five kinds of harm:
As I said at the start of this sad account, falling in love with
someone on the Internet couldnt possibly happen to me! But it did. And
because Gods word tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13: I am concerned for my brothers and sisters in Cyberspace who may be as
vulnerable as I was. I was vulnerable because I was widowed, and very
lonely for a mans caring, company and conversation. However, even married
women can feel alone, and emotionally deprived, for a variety of reasons.
The run-away sales of Mills & Boon, and Barbara Cartland novels attest
to that. And they, too, can be a tool of Satan to lead women into longing
for someone else other than their husband. But emails can give us
emotional feedback that novels cant.
Earlier I quoted 1Corinthians 10:13. I have now noticed that 1 Corinthians
10:14
states:
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality,
impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
No temptation
has overtaken you except such as is common to man
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
And this was the nature of my sin. I had made an idol of this man, because I had given him pre-eminence in my life, a place that rightfully belongs to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This all-engrossing correspondence had become very time consuming: I still went to Church, Bible Studies, Prayer Meetings, but couldnt get home soon enough to check my email. I even changed my own daily schedule so that I could be online at the same time as he was. The only one who really benefited from this was my phone company, as it was nothing for me to log on about 10 times a day.
When I went on an overseas trip, it cost me a small fortune to stay online chatting with him. This was NOT good stewardship of the Lords money!
I thank God my Heavenly Father for his willingness to forgive me.
I thank his Son, my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ for his willingness to die and shed his blood for me. Without him I could NEVER have been accepted by God.
I thank God the Holy Spirit for not letting up on me, not giving up on me, as he continued to convict me of my sin. And I especially thank him for giving me the courage to terminate this sinful relationship. I couldnt do it on my own. To give me this courage, the Lord led me to Grantley Morriss website: net-burst.com.
I first emailed Grantley, complaining about how unfair God was. God didnt seem to care how very lonely I was and how miserable giving up this immoral relationship would make me.
I was rather surprised that Grantley didnt condemn me, especially since I was definitely old enough to know better!
Instead, Grantley gave me these two web pages to read:
I had to keep re-reading these webpages over and over again for it to gradually become my firm conviction that God really loves me; unconditionally, personally. And that he wants me, and accepts me.
Slowly it dawned that I had had the wrong perception of God altogether. He wasnt mean and nasty, nor a kill-joy! Instead, as my Heavenly Father, he was distressed at me making such a harmful choice. (I have adult children who have spoiled their lives by harmful choices, so I now have some idea of how he must have felt.)
God created us because he wants to love us, and yearns for us to love him. His love for us is unconditional. But for our love for him to be meaningful, he has to give us the freedom to accept his love; or reject it.
And as my cold heart warmed to his unconditional love for me, I began to love him in return. And the more I grew to love him, the more I wanted to please him.
And that was when I began to find it easier to say No! to my addictions to this immoral relationship (and masturbation and pornography) because I now truly wanted to please my God.
I appeal to anyone who might already be in this trap of Satans or on the verge of sliding into it (this kind of sin can be very gradual), stop right now! If you have ANY misgivings at all in your heart about your email correspondence, or your involvement in chat rooms, or one-to-one online conversations, or indeed ANY kind of contact with a member of the opposite sex, bring the matter before the Lord, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you be willing to listen to and OBEY his voice in this crucial area.
Satan must rub his hands in glee, whenever he succeeds in breaking up a Christian marriage. Since I was single there was no marriage breakup at my end. But my willing participation in immoral conversations with my friend, may well have polluted his own marriage.
When we meet someone new, we have
an illusion about them; because we only learn about them what they choose to
share with us. We often fill in the gaps with fantasy (things that are
better than reality) without even realizing it.
We dont see those personal habits that irritate us about our spouse,
especially facial gestures and body language.
For instance, a wife may have a good, dependable, loyal etc husband, who is not as good at communicating as the man on the net. She wrongly assumes the new man has all the good qualities that she takes for granted in her husband and she adds to them the fact that he is a good communicator.
My email friend has his photo on the Internet. He looks poised, well-dressed, relaxed and with a welcoming smile. He is most attractive.
No one would put on the Internet a photo of themselves as they are when they first get out of bed, or are yawning in front of the bathroom mirror!
And it is because the person on the Internet seems bigger, better and more desirable than the one at home, that Internet Adultery is breaking up marriages.
Please dont become a statistic!
And please dont say:
It couldnt possibly happen to me!