Have I Forgiven You Yet?
This is the question that haunts me,
The living question that taunts me.
Im grown up now, and I can understand
Why you felt that life had dealt you a very poor hand.
Have I forgiven you yet?
But the child in me still cries out for you,
Still wants to feel your care and concern,
And know why you withheld your love from me,
Love for which I so desperately yearn.
Have I forgiven you yet?
That child in me still longs to know:
What was wrong with me
That you spurned me so?
My only virtue; being clever at school;
In all else, made to feel a fool!
Have I forgiven you yet?
You took pleasure in playing tricks with my mind.
It is easy to send people mad, you said
You belittled my every aim and desire.
Youll be no good at that; do this instead!
Have I forgiven you yet?
But the thing that hurt most, all down through the years,
The thing that still makes my eyes fill with tears:
Its your fault, you said, That my marriage died.
If youd been a boy, it would have survived!
Have I forgiven you yet?
To tell you the truth, I dont really know.
God knows just how much I want it to be so.
But the wounds are so deep, the scars are so tender.
Sometimes I have hope (although it is slender)
That I will forgive you yet.
Since Christ died for me; and also for you,
Perhaps one day it will yet become true
That I will be able to say, (through many a tear),
Yes, I do forgive you my Mother dear!