I receive many e-mails from women frustrated over the fact that they yearn for sex more than their husbands do. Here is just one example, reproduced with the kind permission of the woman who e-mailed with me.

I enjoy your website as it gives a very objective and, most important of all, biblical look at the intimate life between a husband and wife.

I am a 35 year old married lady blessed with a godly man. We serve the Lord together and are truly happy in every aspect, but the intimate part. He is a great partner and friend and treats me like a queen in every other area. I could not have asked for a better husband, father, provider and friend, but I also need a lover!!! He has a great sense of humor and we have great times together, but as far as love and romance is concerned, it is one frustration after the other.

We have been married for eight years now, and I have tried everything under the sun to ‘seduce’ him, but to no avail. Once he decides that the place and occasion are right, he switches himself on like a machine and goes through exactly the same motions every time. He does not look at my body or me, he makes no sound and says nothing. He is ‘normal’ in every other aspect. I see that “Lion wants to hunt down the little deer” look in his eyes whenever there is an attractive woman on TV or in public, but I have almost never seen that look when he looks at me. When we were still dating I found it very strange that he wasn’t like other men who always just wanted ‘one thing.’ (Not that this was bad, he was just very uninterested, and this bugged me, but I thought it would be better once we are married – oldest one in the book!) He is older than me and the envy of all our male friends and acquaintances as they think he has hit the jackpot in getting me as a wife. (If only they knew!!)

We have talked about this, fought about this, kept quiet about this, prayed about this but nothing has changed. He says he finds me extremely sexy and attractive but he just doesn’t show this the way other men do.

He has really tried to be different the last year or so, but it is very artificial and this should not be the case, should it? Didn’t God kinda make it easy for us in this area? I definitely do not have to “work” at loving and wanting my husband: I just do! One look at him and my hormones are racing. I just adore him and love him to bits. I thought it was easier for men than woman but obviously I was mistaken.

I am absolutely desperate for help and/or advice as I feel like loosing it these days. I am very attractive and get lots of compliments virtually daily from men and women and I am really so grateful that the Lord gave me such good looks, but I would be much more appreciative if my husband would notice me!

I have tried all the advice on other websites such as nice lingerie, dinners by candlelight and so on. I would get out of the bath and dress or undress right under his nose and he would simply not notice!! I have cut my hair the way he likes it, I’ve been tanning on a sunbed as he likes dark skin and I always dress nice and feminine but everyone notices except the one I want to notice.

He is healthy and successful and the picture of integrity. He really is a God fearing man and I love and respect him for this, but I am dying on the inside for just a bit of sexual attention. I need to see that my husband is turned on by me – I cannot just live in faith in this regard. I mean is it really that complicated?

Early on in our marriage my husband asked me not to be the initiator as this intimidates him. He told me that he has never met anyone like me that enjoys sex so much and wants it so frequently and that he needs time to get used to me. I never knew men had a problem with a woman wanting sex as often as possible, so this shocked me out of my wits. My self-confidence has taken a huge knock and these days I do not even want to undress in front of him as I can only believe that something about me must be really horrible and turn him off. What else could it be?

Last night I mustered all the guts I could, and once more tried to seduce him by applying cream on my body in front of him. And I might as well have been the wall!

I was born again at the age of 25 and unfortunately had a few lovers by then as I did not grow up in a house where morals where taught. Never in my life has any man that has seen me naked just acted as if I was not even there or as if I was dressed in a nun’s habit!!!! This is getting too much for me to handle after eight years, and as I get a lot of attention from other men, this makes me feel so guilty as I sometimes catch myself enjoying it! I am like a person that has not eaten in many months and I am very hungry. Famished in fact! Others are constantly offering me ‘food’ and I do not know how much longer I can ignore this. May God have mercy on me, as I only want to please my Lord and I do not want to sin against Him or my husband.