Comments by People
Who Disagreed with this Webpage

As a woman, I wasn’t pleased with your opinion about not making so much of an effort to “look nice”. I was at a place some years ago where I intentionally “sexied” up my appearance. But I have since taken strides to not be a stumbling block. After reading your thoughts, though, and really looking inward, I realize there’s probably more I can do.

As you rightly mentioned, it’s not just about the clothes worn. Makeup, hair, perfume all play a part. I’m not extravagant but I do from time to time wear makeup (incidentally, I do so mostly when going to church). Nothing outrageous – just mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss (I’m a sucker for lip gloss). But what you have said has merit. It will not be an overnight transition, of course, but I know I will be rethinking my “need” to apply those cosmetics, especially when going to church.

As far as your webpage relates to sexual intimacy, I was there. My boyfriend at the time had initiated our first kiss but I was a willing participant because I saw nothing wrong with kissing. After all that’s normal behavior in a relationship, right? And if you love someone, it’s as natural as breathing. But when he took it further a few days later, I was shocked but allowed him, rationalizing his actions and simply basking in the pleasure. From there it spiraled. We were both Christians and often felt guilty but with each encounter it got easier to rationalize what we did. We even went as far as studying the Word together then not five minutes later engaging in sexual activity (I shake my head when I think about that).

Today I no longer think that avoiding kissing is ridiculous. I have made a commitment to save kissing for the man I marry – the first time being on our wedding day. I thank you for your write up.

Grantley’s reply:

I commend you. It is so hard living in our society to be sure what is of God and what is simply things we have been brainwashed by society to accept as “normal.” All we can do is to keep trying to die to self, free ourselves from worldly influences and keep seeking the heart of God.

I am not God. You are just as able – perhaps better able – to hear from him as me. Make up is interesting however, in that much of it is an attempt to mimic sexual arousal – reddened lips, flushed face etc. Even attempts to look younger are sexual in that men are made to find highly fertile women (i.e. relatively young) attractive. Another aspect is that women get to the point of feeling that their own body is ugly and that it must be hidden behind makeup to be acceptable. That’s sad.

I read your webpage How Far Is Too Far a few months ago when I had just started to date my first boyfriend. I was working at a children’s camp and so was my boyfriend. We were both Christians. I got my first kiss. My appetite grew. What you said in your webpage felt so cruel. How could I keep myself away from someone so attractive and who makes me feel so good?

Well, I wish I had believed your advice, and my own conscience. We broke up and I now know that what I did was wrong. Lust makes one a slave and it’s purely selfish. In the beginning it feels wrong, but little by little your mind eases and soon you’re sure that you are doing the right thing because it feels so good. I think it may have been sex that ruined our relationship. We didn’t discuss it; we just knew that we “loved” each other so much.

I thank you for your webpages. I should read them with time and thought.

I hope that some day I’ll meet someone and that this time I’ll remember what I’ve learned.

Sex is something in which you can’t trust yourself or your friend. It’s like fire that burns if you give it a chance. It’s better to keep it totally down than to play with it.