I can really relate to the testimonies about blasphemous thoughts and dirty phrases.

I am currently suffering from clinical depression. It started almost a year ago. I was hospitalized twice. The first time I was admitted I had gone weeks without sleep. I was so depressed and bombarded by Satan that I was convinced I was going to hell. I have forgotten about some of the things I went through. My brother won’t tell me, for my own good. I just remembered constant blasphemy in my head and witnessing to other people about Jesus because I didn’t want them to go to hell with me.

I was later hospitalized again after a suicide attempt. I was tired of feeling condemned and unforgiven, and I didn’t know if God loved me at all. So I decided I would kill myself and find out if God loved me or not. At least I would see Jesus for a short while before I went to hell, I thought.

I have definitely made progress since then. I’m still battling with what I now know is false guilt. I repented last year of some grievous sin that I was involved with for a long time. That’s when the devil threw all this condemnation on me. [Comment by Grantley: That’s just like the devil: he’s a sore loser! Remember that it was after the exciting experience of God’s voice from heaven affirming Jesus, and the Spirit coming upon him at his baptism that Jesus was subjected to forty days of severe temptation.]

I’m realizing now, that repentance is a gift from God. The Lord could have left me in an unrepentant state, hardened over my sin with no desire to change.

I am learning to trust what God’s Word says about me; not what I feel. I am learning to fight Satan with the word, or to refute his arguments. If he brings up all my past sins, I say, “Yes, I am sinner, and Christ came to save sinners.”

I appreciate the knowledge that I have gained from this website. I long to be truly able to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

More Help Needed
People keep e-mailing me, desperate for a quick fix so that they can get the relief they crave without having to read all these webpages. They are wasting their time and mine, however, because in all my years of anguished prayer and fervent seeking, I have failed to find an alternative to having to keep reading all these webpages. Take a rest now, if required, but you will need to read more.

Not to be sold. © Copyright, 2007, Grantley Morris. Not to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site www.net-burst.com Freely you have received, freely give.