Blasphemous Thoughts

I received the following e-mail and have permission to share it anonymously. It highlights the problem that most of us face when plagued by blasphemous thoughts about the Holy Spirit or other unwanted, ugly thoughts:

Your website has helped me tremendously.

Over the past two and half months I’ve been having terribly blasphemous thoughts. It worried me at first. I thought they were my own thoughts and so I got really scared. Then I found your website and I just about broke down after reading some of it. I’m a guy in college, so crying doesn’t come easily. I just want you to realize how much you have helped me to realize I’m normal, that these are not my thoughts, and that many, many other people have suffered just as I have.

It helped a lot, but it all came back to me a week later and I’m not doing so well anymore. I’m getting extreme anxiety over these thoughts. Also, the thoughts have built shame in me and I get embarrassed very easily around people now. It’s like I’ve lost my confidence and feel responsible for these thoughts. What can I do so I don’t blush so easily whenever these topics come up? Also, what can I do to combat the thoughts? They get triggered so easily. Please help me. I feel trapped.

See what happened? After finding freedom, he was slipping back into accepting the thoughts as his own.

This is common. With our every advance we can expect a counterattack in which the devil will try to retake the ground we have gained. We must stubbornly resist the pressure to surrender to his lies, whether it be false condemnation or believing that we are responsible for thoughts we do not want.

In war, the enemy can gain a major tactical advantage by making a show of attacking at one location when it is actually about to launch its main assault at a different location. If one falls for this trick, most of one’s defenses are moved from the area where they are critically needed and focused where they are not so needed.

Don’t waste your resources getting sidetracked into self-examination or fighting thoughts or guilt feelings. No matter how real and scary they seem, they are just cardboard cut-outs. The real battlefront is whether you believe that Jesus died for the sins of the world – believing that through Jesus forgiveness is available for every sin that anyone could ever commit, provided one accepts it.

Consider this scenario: A teenager is head over heels in love with the girl of his dreams. Cindy is stunningly beautiful in his eyes. Her spiteful sister, however, is insanely jealous and desperately wants to sabotage the relationship. So she hatches a plan. She keeps dropping hints to Cindy that she is fat and that no boy would ever want her. Cindy begins to panic and does everything she can think of to lose weight but her sister keeps insisting that Cindy is so ugly that any boy showing interest in her would be secretly disgusted with her and merely pretending to like her so that he can boast to others about how he tricked her and then dumped her.

Cindy ends up so focused on losing weight and so convinced that she is ugly that every indication of love from her would-be boyfriend is misinterpreted. She grows so certain that he would dump her that she thinks the only way to protect herself from heartbreak is to keep pushing him away.

That is like the plan the devil has hatched to try to sabotage our relationship with God. He wants us so fixated on trying to fight unwanted blasphemous thoughts and so foolishly convinced that they render us repulsive to God that we misinterpret our Lord’s every expression of love for us. The devil wants us to push God away through being duped into wrongly supposing that ugly thoughts render us unacceptable to the God who is head over heels in love with us – the God who went to the extreme of the cross to totally forgive everyone whose faith is in him.

Instead of getting to know how loving God really is, we ignore him by becoming so obsessed with ourselves and so focused on our thoughts and feelings that we end up breaking God’s heart by refusing to believe the magnitude of his love for us. We get so distracted by worrying needlessly about insulting God with thoughts we cannot control that we unknowingly fall into the devil’s trap of doing the only thing that truly insults God – not believing in the unlimited power of his love and forgiveness.

Unwanted thoughts, no matter how repulsive, are merely pesky flies that refuse to be shooed away. The average person would be annoyed, but would get on with life. People who are obsessed about germs that the flies might carry, however, could become so fearful of a few flies that they lose sight of the big picture and abandon their great potential by daily devoting all their efforts to trying to fight the flies. The real danger is not the germs but letting the fear of germs get so out of control that it keeps them from the important things in life. Likewise, the real danger with uncontrollable blasphemous thoughts is not that they are anti-God but that we become so obsessed with fighting them that we lose sight of how deeply in love with us God is and how much he approves of us because of the magnitude of what Christ achieved by bearing on the cross our every sin. We become so obsessed with trying to shoo thoughts away that we forget the power of the cross and that salvation is freely showered upon everyone who simply accepts it by faith, no matter how appalling or repeated the sin is.

What makes most attacks so spiritually dangerous is that they tempt people to focus on themselves instead of keeping their eyes on their Savior. It is like Peter walking on the water. It was a little scary for Peter but it went fine until he took his eyes off Christ and onto the waves. It was then that fear took over and he began to sink. Nevertheless, Jesus was right there and kept him safe. No matter what scary distractions the devil throws at you, keep your focus on Jesus. What matters is not how inadequate you are but how adequate Christ is. Let me say it again: There is no limit to Christ’s power to forgive.

People suffering condemnation keep trying to find loopholes in the word of God. They never word it this way, but they think they are some sort of exception that can turn God into a liar. To these people I simply say: which part of all don’t you understand?

Psalm 86:5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.

Psalm 103:3 who forgives all your sins . . .

Psalm 145:9 The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Isaiah 38:17  . . . In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.

Isaiah 53:6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Jeremiah 33:8 I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me.

Ezekiel 36:25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities . . .

Micah 7:18-19 Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry for ever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

John 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

Romans 3:22-24 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 5:18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men.

Romans 10:12-13  . . . the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Titus 2:13-14 . . . our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own . . .

1 John 1:7 . . . the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (Emphasis mine.)

Yet people with an overactive conscience will keep feeling guilty and people trying to help them usually expect to be able to remove those feelings by rational argument, but rational argument simply won’t help. It’s like a person who is afraid of harmless spiders. No amount of rational argument that the spiders are harmless will reduce the person’s fear. Every Christian who is plagued by guilt feelings despite believing in Christ and longing to be free from sin, needs to realize that guilt feelings will remain, and simply choose not to be dominated by those feelings, even though the feelings are unpleasant and upsetting, and the thoughts are disgusting.

The real reason for Christians being harassed by blasphemous thoughts is the same reason why forgiven Christians feel condemned. It is a satanic attempt to distract us from the real issue: we are saved by simple faith in Christ, not by works. Unwanted thoughts are simply a form of temptation, and all Christians are tempted. The temptation, however, is not an attempt to get us to think wrong thoughts. Neither God nor the devil cares about the thoughts he puts in our head. The devil’s goal is to get us to doubt the reality of the forgiveness and divine approval that we have in Christ.

Mick, who for year after year after year has had a horrific battle with blasphemous thoughts writes:

I’m so blessed that I am at last comprehending this affliction. I’m close to beating it, now.

I’ve noticed that, despite the extreme lengths I’ve gone in my attempts, I’m literally powerless to stop intrusive thoughts. That being the case, it is futile to attempt to fight the thoughts. So here’s my solution: When unwanted thoughts come, I just let them. I mean it: I let the worst conceivable blasphemous thoughts, disgusting ideas, and so on, come and run their course. It doesn’t matter if I’m guilt ridden, emotionless, have a tight chest, or whatever, I don’t bother trying to resist them. I freely let them happen.

Jesus gave the parable of a father who had two sons. One said he would obey, but didn’t. The other said he would not, but did (Matthew 21:28-31). It was the latter son, despite what he said, who pleased the father. So here’s how I look at it: I can have hideous thoughts, yet reject sin. I can think bad things about God, yet worship him. So who cares about the thoughts? Does God? Will he condemn me? No. If I had the thoughts, believed them, and lived them, then yes, I would need to repent, but I don’t even have to bother with that, because the thoughts I suffer are inflicted on me against my will.

Someone else wrote the following. You’ll see it interspersed with my comments in a different color:

It seems as though the harder I try to stop vile thoughts against God’s Precious Holy Spirit, the more they come.

If God had said speaking against blue bears was unforgivable. Then guess what? I would probably have thoughts against blue bears.

The thoughts come when I get angry, or aggravated or even after I have been “well behaved” (read the Bible, gone to church, or prayed). Every time I try to draw closer to the Lord I have blasphemous thoughts and then I worry about the unpardonable sin. Even as I am typing thoughts come to my mind. I wish this problem on no one! There has not been a day when I don’t think I am unpardonable, because of some thought. I constantly worry about my salvation every day.

I have prayed and prayed.

1 Timothy 2:3-4 . . . God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (Emphasis mine.)

And God has given us many promises about answered prayer. Here is one:

1 John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.

If God says he has given you something, it is lack of faith to ask for it again, as if God might have lied the first time. Just thank God that regardless of what you think or feel, he has already given his salvation.

Doubting your salvation is like someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder checking locks. He checks that it is locked and feels peace but soon doubts begin. Doubts build higher and higher, anxiety builds until, despite all logic telling him he has already checked, he gives in to the pressure and checks again. It is like an addiction. Every time he gives in to his anxieties by checking again, it strengthens the addiction. The only way to break it is to refuse to check, no matter how strong the anxiety and doubts get. He must learn to tolerate the doubts and anxiety. It is the same with doubting your salvation, being plagued with blasphemous thoughts, and so on. You must learn to tolerate these unpleasant things, no matter how bad they get. The goal is not to reach the point where they stop, but to learn to live with them.

This is how you treat the illness – the anxiety disorder – of Religious Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; the mental affliction that causes obsessive blasphemous thoughts and repeated doubts about one’s salvation. This treatment works best when used in conjunction with medication prescribed by doctors for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Phobias, such as a fear of spiders, are another type of anxiety disorder. A fear of spiders is overcome by continuing to remain in the presence of harmless spiders, despite the anxiety one feels. It might take weeks, but eventually the anxiety will begin to dissipate as one gradually gets used to tolerating anxiety, rather than giving in to it. You don’t fight spiders; you fight anxiety by refusing to give in to the anxiety. Spiders are not the problem; one’s excessive fear of them is the problem. By refusing to fight (refusing to attempt to kill) harmless spiders, one is exercising faith that they will not hurt you.

So it is with unwanted thoughts and doubts. You don’t fight thoughts and doubts; you fight anxiety by refusing to give in to the anxiety. Thoughts and doubts are not the problem; one’s excessive fear of them is the problem. By refusing to fight thoughts and doubts, you are exercising faith in the saving power of Christ.

If you were to ask me to pray that the thoughts, disgusting images, guilt feelings, or doubts stop, I wouldn’t, even though I would feel deeply for you. To me to pray that they stop would be giving up on you and treating you as a wimp who has no faith. I believe in you and so does God. I believe you can be subjected to Satan’s barrage and still cling to faith in Christ’s cleansing power and that through doing this you will become a powerful person of God.

Mick e-mailed me again:

I’m getting so much better. It doesn’t happen overnight.

I had a pretty big panic attack the other day, then the bad thoughts were coming fast. I was scared and all of a sudden I started laughing! I said something like, “Lord, you must think me a nut. You know better than me I don’t believe one of these words. From now on when such thoughts come, let’s laugh together.”

I believe the key to wellness is to realize that you are literally powerless to prevent unwanted thoughts.

The Powerful, Unavoidable Conclusion

Elsewhere I wrote:

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
(Emphasis mine)

If you studied that verse, you will know that the deciding factor as to whether your sin can be forgiven has nothing to do with how gross or repeated the sin – God promises in his Word to “purify us from all unrighteousness.” This Scripture (and many others) reveals that whether your sins are unforgivable hinges not on the nature of your sin, but on this one thing: whether God “is faithful and just.”

So, despite all of the deceptive smokescreens the tempter puts up, everything boils down to this: do you choose to believe that God is faithful and just? Do you refuse to believe that the God who said he will never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) is a liar? When everything within and without screams otherwise, do you stubbornly maintain the scriptural attitude displayed in Romans: “Let God be true, and every man a liar” (Romans 3:4)? Despite prolonged faith battles and horrific doubts, do you keep returning to the truth of Hebrews 6:18 that “it is impossible for God to lie”? Do you cling with all your might to the certainty that the God who said, “Lo, I am with you alway . . .” (Matthew 28:20, KJV) is indeed the God of truth who will keep his word by staying with you?

So is God a liar, or is he faithful and just by cleansing the most atrocious sins of the most depraved, repeated offender who wants it? What you choose to believe about this is the real battlefront. It is on this belief that your eternity swings. Everything else is but malicious diversions diabolically designed to dupe you into diverting your energy into fighting useless skirmishes, while leaving the real issue – faith in God’s goodness and power to cleanse every sin – undefended.

It’s as though your spiritual enemy uses an accomplice to keep terrifying you by pounding on your front door. You panic, putting all your effort into fortifying the front door, while your enemy is sneaking in through the back, robbing you blind. By seizing your attention, getting you worried about the power of your sin, he has diverted you from the real issue – the one that defeats him every time – the power of your Savior.

The critical issue is not how great is your sin, but how great is your Savior; not how much you insult God by sinning but how much you insult him by doubting his promise and his power to save. No sin can keep anyone out of heaven, except the refusal to exercise the simple faith it takes to accept Christ’s forgiveness.

No one can believe for you. Only you, by an act of will, can choose to believe. Stop going from person to person or Bible commentary to Bible commentary or from supernatural sign to sign, hoping that any of them can believe for you. Simply by a tenacious act of will, resolve never again to doubt your Savior’s commitment to his promise to cleanse from all unrighteousness everyone who seeks it.

If you want forgiveness through Jesus, Almighty God is with you, and through him you can most assuredly win. It is vital, however, to know what victory looks like. Victory is not being free from temptation. It would be defeat if God had to remove all temptation because he concluded you were too weak to overcome it. And since temptation takes the form of thoughts, feelings and doubts, and the tempter is ungodly, victory does not mean not having ungodly thoughts, feelings and doubts. Victory means clinging in faith to the saving power of Christ, no matter how strong the attacks are.

Another Angle on Repulsive & Blasphemous Thoughts

We all have atrocious thoughts flash through our minds at times. Most of us think the thoughts are ridiculous and just get on with life. Fearing the thoughts and consequently trying to control them, however, turns something normal into a deeply upsetting experience. Suppose you put electrodes on someone’s head, fooling him into thinking you could read his thoughts, then pull out a huge knife, threatening to slit his throat if he thinks of bikini-clad rhinoceroses. He would become so anxious not to think about them (I must not think of rhinos in bikinis. . . I must not think of rhinos in bikinis. . . I must not think of rhinos in bikinis. . .) that he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of rhinos in cute little bikinis. The human brain is made that way. The more afraid we are of thinking of something and the more desperately we try to avoid thinking of it, the more inevitable it is that we will think of it. By fearing a particular thought and trying not to think of it – taking random despicable thoughts far too seriously – we set up a vicious circle that gets worse and worse.

Since the affliction is powered by fear/anxiety, people dominated by unwanted thoughts usually suffer from excess anxiety generated by an imbalance in their brain chemistry – a medical condition known to cause Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Free-floating anxiety locks on to whatever is most important to the person and then the cruel cycle begins.

A common example is a new mother who lacks confidence. Her greatest focus of anxiety is the fear of harming her baby. So what flashes through her mind? Harming her baby. This causes her to panic even more and increases her anxiety to stop the thought. So what thought keeps coming to her? Harming her baby. Before long, her mind is flooded with thoughts of stabbing the baby she loves. Enter into her agony for a moment: it would be torment enough to be continually riddled with worry over the safety of the baby who means everything to you, let alone groundlessly believing that you, who are often alone with this darling, are the repulsively evil source of the danger.

Never in a million years would she deliberately hurt her baby. The very thought horrifies her. In fact, this is what causes her to fixate on that thought and why she tries her utmost not to think of it. Like telling yourself over and over, “I will not think of rhinos in bikinis,” the thing she is trying so desperately not to think of is exactly what she will think of. It is nothing but a trick of the mind which in fact indicates how much the thought of harming her baby horrifies her and proves what a caring mother she really is and that she would never hurt her baby.

So it is with a Christian having blasphemous thoughts. Being continually hounded by these filthy thoughts proves not how bad you are but how much you fear the thoughts. I am sure it would not surprise you to know I feel neither anger nor disgust but deep compassion for mothers suffering the torment of inescapable thoughts of hurting the baby they love. Well don’t for a moment suppose I have more compassion than the God of infinite love! Likewise, not only does you suffering ghastly, filthy thoughts about God not annoy him; it arouses within him deep compassion for you. What dishonors God is not thoughts you cannot control but you supposing that the God whose heart breaks to see you in such anguish is so hateful and lacking in understanding that he condemns you for the thoughts you despise.

You need to realize that no matter how hideously disgusting such thoughts are, they cannot harm your relationship with God. He made the human brain. He understands, even when you don’t. He doesn’t condemn – only you torment yourself by failing to realize how forgiving and understanding God is. Don’t treat God as some heartless monster; run to him, knowing that he cares for you.

Begin by understanding that Christ died for the forgiveness of the sins of the whole world, which has to include the forgiveness of any thought you could ever think. When Jesus spoke of the unforgivable sin, he was referring to being utterly convinced (not merely having the thought) that Christ can forgive no sin and is not only not the Savior of the world but is demon-possessed. People convinced of this cannot have their sins forgiven, simply because we are saved by faith that Christ was sent by God for the forgiveness of sin and these people are refusing to believe this. If they change their mind and put their faith in Christ, however, then all their sin (including the sin of them believing Christ was of the devil) will be freely forgiven because that is the nature of God. He wants no one to perish but all to come to repentance (1 Timothy 2:3-4; 2 Peter 3:9; Ezekiel 33:11) . For a much deeper exploration of this, see Unforgivable? Blaspheming the Holy Spirit and then keep following the main link toward the bottom of each page.

Once you start believing that Jesus truly is the Savior of the world and therefore has the power to forgive everyone who puts their faith in him, and you hold on to this biblical truth no matter what thoughts and doubts and guilt feelings assail you, then you are exercising saving faith. By this you are not only fully forgiven but you are glorifying God by choosing to live by faith and not by fear and feelings. As you hold on to this and stop fearing the thoughts that plague you and you cease trying to fight them, the thoughts will gradually subside. Nevertheless, you can still expect them to return from time to time, and whether you panic or laugh them off determines how frequently they will harass you.

I very recently received the following e-mail from a young woman who happily gave me permission to share it with you. Interspersed in a different color are my comments to her.

I’ve been struggling with very disturbing and embarrassing thoughts for a year now. Sometimes they got so bad that I would feel tingling in my toes and fingers. The few people I confided in said I had OCD or post-partum stress disorder, which is probably true. Either way, the thoughts pretty much held me captive.

Unfortunately, this began at the worst possible time: when I began trying to come back to my relationship with God.

The timing is no coincidence. The enemy of our soul seeks to exploit any weakness he can find in us. OCD is driven by anxiety, so it targets the things we are most anxious about – the things that mean the most to us. When your relationship with God grew in importance to you, that became the inevitable target.

I was living in a constant cycle of trying to reach out to God but feeling too ashamed and dirty to be forgiven.

It is vital that Christians learn to live by faith and not by feelings. Faith in Christ is all about choosing to believe in his saving power rather than believe our feelings, no matter how deceptively real those feelings seem and how demandingly they scream at us. The average person finds it easier to dismiss false feelings than someone with OCD does because the medically induced anxiety feels deceptively like divine conviction, even though it is nothing but a trick of the mind.

I felt like I was going through it alone, but one day I was searching the Internet for OCD symptoms and found your website. I was shocked by how many people were suffering the same way.

I’ve had literally hundreds of people write to me about it.

Their stories and your comments helped me realize that God really does forgive, no matter what. All I have to do is have faith in Christ and his power, and the fear is gone!

Absolutely! The problem is that your anxiety is a medical issue (an imbalance in your brain chemistry) so the anxiety will continue no matter what happens spiritually. Moreover, the anxiety feels like conviction or a guilty conscience, so your overactive mind is driven to try to find a spiritual reason for the feeling, rather than accept the real cause, which is medical. So most Christians with this problem are tempted to fear that the existence of this medically-induced guilty feeling must indicate that they are not forgiven. Driven by this groundless fear, their mind goes to bizarre extremes as to why there might be some loophole in all the Scriptures affirming God’s promise that Christ’s forgiveness is freely available to all who put their faith in the saving power of Christ’s sacrifice.

For so many people I’ve plugged up what they wrongly supposed to be a loophole and they are flooded with peace – for perhaps a day. But spiritual facts don’t change brain chemistry. Anxiety that feels like guilt continues and so, in a vain attempt to find some rational/spiritual reason for this feeling, their mind keeps searching for yet another supposed loophole in Scripture and before long they think they have found a possible contender. I’ve tried and tried and tried with these dear people until I’ve finally had to concede that no matter how many doubts I resolve for them, their over-active minds will still find new doubts because they keep mistaking medically-induced anxiety for proof that Christ is not mighty to save and that all the Scriptures must be fraudulent that claim that he forgives all who put their faith in him. For all of us it boils down not to searching Bible Commentaries but to raw faith: will we choose to put our faith in deceptively strong feelings or in the saving power of Christ?

Once in a while I let myself forget and get a gross/embarrassing thought or two . . .

Such thoughts will return at times regardless of whether you “forget”.

but I’m not afraid anymore and I don’t dwell on it.

That’s the key! Don’t make a big deal of it. Worrying about it is as groundless as a normal mother worrying about deliberately stabbing her baby. Your brain chemistry might flood you with feelings of anxiety and your mind might fill with repulsive thoughts but no matter how rough the ride gets, everyone who clings in faith to Christ is safe in the arms of the loving, all-powerful Savior.

In fact, I can pretty much say that these thoughts have been a blessing in disguise, because I can really understand the power of God’s love and forgiveness, which I didn’t have much of an understanding before. So thank you for your website!

God lets his beloved be tempted because he believes in them. He trusts them to keep clinging to him no matter how strong and oppressive the temptation gets. Likewise, he doesn’t prevent unwanted thoughts because he trusts each of us to keep believing in his love and saving power no matter how intense, hideous and distracting the thoughts get. And continually exercising such faith will end up making you spiritually strong, just like continually exerting physical effort would make you physically strong. Hold on: great things are ahead!

Not to be sold. © Copyright, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 Grantley Morris. Not to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site www.net-burst.com Freely you have received, freely give.