The Lost – er – Last Commandment

When we fail to see anything wrong with something that the God of perfect love and knowledge says is wrong, we are simply proving that we are not totally good, all-wise, all-loving and all-knowing. Consider these Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 4:4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.

Proverbs 16:2 All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.

Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 30:12 . . . are pure in their own eyes and yet are not cleansed of their filth

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Let me share an incident that taught me what is wrong with covetousness.

I was living in a missionary compound. One of the wives walked by. I had seen her for months and had she been 80 years old, or a man, I would have felt no differently toward her. Suddenly, for the first time ever, I saw her as sexually desirable. I had never before seen her wearing those tight slacks, displaying what had always previously been discretely covered. I had never suspected that she looked like that. (It’s only now, some 20 years later, that I realize that the whole incident was precipitated by her dressing unwisely. I had previously thought of her as being dressed ‘normally.’ What is normal in a world that thinks sinful lust is good clean fun, however, should not be normal for a Christian.)

There wasn’t the slightest possibility that I would ever let my new feelings influence my behavior. Nevertheless, those feelings were intruders I desperately wanted to evict. But how? God in his grace provided ‘the way of escape’ that he promises to all of his children when they face temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). The escape route came in the form of a thought about what a tragedy it would be if this woman’s husband took her for granted and didn’t appreciate how exceptional she was physically. Within a minute of first experiencing sexual attraction I found myself praying that her husband really enjoy and delight in her. Quickly, those unwelcome feelings began to subside. Genuinely wanting someone else’s happiness caused covetousness to evaporate. Praying that prayer had so delighted God that he filled me with his type of love. I then discovered that covetousness is the opposite of love.

Love, implies Romans 13:9, is the antidote to coveting, adultery, stealing – in fact, all types of sin. Rather than being smitten by envy, if you love, you’ll delight in the knowledge that someone is blessed. Rather than encroach on his rights, you’ll protect his assets. What had made my tactic so effective in deflating lust was combining unselfishness with prayer to the holy Lord. Involving God in a situation transforms it. Removing self makes room for God. Trendy ‘Christian’ thinking has been infested with worldly views of love which virtually equate love with selfishness. Love yourself is the catch-cry. Deny yourself was Jesus’ teaching. Christlike love is valuing someone else’s happiness above your own; covetousness is the exact opposite. Love is indeed the essence of the Law.

Romans 13:9 The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

When I was young, and there was more shame associated with exposing one’s private parts to the world, I wondered why smut magazines show women’s faces. It would be much easier to find women willing to cheapen themselves if they remained anonymous by not showing their faces. But money-grubbing exploiters of the male sex drive know that such photos would have little appeal. Traders in human flesh need not just photographic models but actors. Photographers for skin magazines and for a lot of advertising, go to great pains to elicit appropriate facial expressions from the women who sell their bodies. They seek the illusion that the women prostituting their bodies are deriving sexual pleasure from being in an intimate, highly provocative situation with the person staring at their photo. They seek the illusion that this pose is but a freeze frame in a long sequence in which each model has had sexual relations with the person who is looking at her. In other words, the aim is not merely to show a ‘beautiful’ body or forbidden body parts but to do everything possible to make the viewer guilty of having sex with her in his mind. This declared, Jesus, the Judge of all the earth, is adultery (or fornication if both parties happen to be unmarried).

Satan’s goal is to convince men that they are lonely (even when they have a loving wife) and make them feel inadequate about themselves. Sex profiteers then prey on these feelings by producing photos and videos in which wounded men derive fleeting comfort from the fantasy that women touted as being special find them so desirable that they would have sex with them. This is sick – not just spiritually, but psychologically. But it is one of the main attractions of porn and it explains why it is so important in these pics for the flesh-seller’s face to give the lie that she is enjoying herself. For a brief moment these men can pretend they are loved by someone whom the world declares to be highly desirable. No wonder two psychologists writing about sex addiction entitled their book, Lonely all the Time.

Hurdle 6: Living in a Fallen World

‘Nudity aside, I should be able to honor God’s handiwork in purity, appreciating women’s beauty just like I do sunsets, flowers and babies.’

You can indeed – once you’re in heaven. Until then, you and I live in a fallen body in a fallen world and I suspect it might not just be coincidental that websites featuring sunsets, flowers or babies don’t receive quite the male attention as those featuring super-models. I know you’re only interested in praising God’s artistry, so forgive me if I am wrong in wondering if a divinely crafted cow udder receives as much attention as a fully clothed Miss Shapely in your attemps to appreciate the Creator’s skill.

It might be nice to be able to appreciate a beautiful woman like I can other aspects of God’s beautiful creation, but while I have a few hormones left, the risk of falling into lust or coveting as I admire God’s work on Miss Wriggle seems too high to chance it. And while seeking to magnify the Creator of all things curvaceous I’d be too likely to turn my private worship service into a beauty contest; judging women on their looks, rather than pleasing my Lord by being equally positive about everyone. You might be more angelic – a near-sighted eunuch perhaps – but I’ve decided that just like Adam and Eve could eat from every tree but one, it’s better for me to enjoy all the sexless sights my eyes can feast on, than ogle that which might lead to forbidden reactions.

Don’t fool yourself: you do not look at the female form for the same reason that you look at sunsets. You are doing it for sexual pleasure, even if, because you have hardened yourself through over-exposure, it does not produce obvious arousal. Deriving pleasure from the body of a woman who is not your wife, soils the sacredness of the marriage bond. The habit is like a dirty rat, gnawing into the uniqueness of marital relations; like a cancer attacking the marriage you or that woman has, or will one day have. It is training you to pervert what should be lovemaking – the selfless giving of pleasure – into a cold hearted, self-obsessed feeding of your own addiction to self-pleasuring. It is stealing from your wife or your future marriage; denying her the right to be the sole person who gives you sexual pleasure. It is slipping deeper into the addiction of forever craving new bodies to use up for your gratification. It is conditioning yourself to reduce every women to a five second thrill instead of someone you could find lifetime enjoyment with. It cheapens not only you, but the wife you were meant to derive a lifetime of satisfaction from.

Nevertheless, Indiscriminate Voyeurism is Perfectly Natural

‘It’s perfectly natural for men to ogle at women.’

You’ve got me there. I can’t deny it – just like I can’t deny that it is perfectly natural to sin and as a result death is perfectly natural for all humanity.

Nevertheless, Jesus became one of us and reversed the natural by rising from death. Through becoming spiritually one with our supernatural Lord, we need no longer be victims of what has become natural in our fallen race. When they are born again, Christians are like healed cripples who are so used to their former condition that walking without crutches feels unnatural. To walk through a crowd without ogling women –continually denying our eyes what they crave – feels unnatural. And yet Jesus, who died so that we might live in the realm of the supernatural, insisted it is perfectly natural for those he transforms to daily deny themselves.

‘Turn my eyes away from worthless things;’ pleads Psalm 119:37, ‘preserve my life according to your word.’ Numbers 15:39 ‘ . . . you will remember all the commands of the LORD, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.’ Like the righteous man who ‘shuts his eyes from seeing evil’ (Isaiah 33:15, NKJV), you can avoid destruction.

1 John 2:16 For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. (17) The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 5:4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. (5) Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

For inspiration and insight into this thrilling aspect of victorious Christian living, see Spiritual Secrets.

Sacrifice

In my early twenties I felt led of God to make a special commitment that has denied me marriage. This will possibly continue forever; I cannot be sure. My inner being longs to look hungrily at what I am missing out on. It is like being perpetually on the brink of starvation and forced to live in a restaurant with everyone gorging themselves and telling each other how delicious the food is. Mouth-watering dishes are everywhere and it’s all there for the taking, but I constantly battle my natural urges and deny myself. I can resent this situation – and I say to my shame that I too often have – or I can use it as a deeply meaningful expression of my love to my Savior. I can use it to propel me closer to the heart of God. I can turn the sacrifice into an investment that pays eternal dividends. And so can you.

Every time we sacrifice momentary sensual pleasure for the sake of the Lord, it is one of the deepest acts of worship that humans have the privilege of engaging in. When I wrench my eyes away from a sight that my flesh longs to feed on, it hurts. It’s a sacrifice. But it’s not a waste. The sacrifice fills with divine meaning when one offers the pain to God, saying, “You are worthy, Lord. You, who endured the cross and sacrificed everything for me, are worthy of the costliest sacrifice. You are the Giver of every good thing I will ever experience. You are perfect. You are the One who loves me more than my mind can grasp. I offer up to you this little sacrifice as an expression of my love for you and of my awe of you.” The sacrifice then becomes something precious between you and your Lord. You might add something like, “Yet another woman has violated me by the way she exposed herself, but you were violated for me and my sins were responsible for your violation. Father, forgive her as you have forgiven me. Bless her like I long to be blessed by you.” That is the way to defeat the enemy of our souls, turing lust into love and overcoming evil with good.

My confession

A doctor who has revived the clinically dead countless times said the required technique is so violent that he often breaks ribs in his effort to bring a dead heart back to life. My goal is not to crush, but to bring life; not to cut down, but to heal. This webpage is hard-hitting only in a desperate attempt to jolt alive a deadened conscience before it’s too late.

One such conscience was my own. A significant factor moving me to write this webpage was the vague feeling that I needed the Lord to revive my conscience on this issue. I wasn’t into porn (although like any normal man I knew I was vulnerable and had to keep myself in check), but I suspected I had let the world kill part of my conscience and that I needed a divine miracle to revive it. I felt that the praying and meditating that true Christian writing demands would help. Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God, was my frequent prayer. With my prayer team’s help I fervently sought the Lord, that in his mercy he allow me to see the subject of pornography as he sees it. I was shocked by the result. More than ever before I realize that were I to personally apologize to every woman I have offended, it would be a painfully long process. I write as someone worthy of the wrath of God, clinging desperately to the cleansing that only Jesus can offer.

My other reason for writing was that I suspected that seeing things through God’s eyes would significantly help the many Christians who e-mail me about their desperate struggle with porn. I am more convinced than ever of the power of this approach, because the act of writing this webpage instantly and almost effortlessly revolutionized the way I look at women. I have jokingly, but with a great degree of truth, said that I’m one of the few people ever to be blessed by thinking about porn. My only lament is that reading requires far less thought, meditation and prayer than writing. Sadly, this means readers will be robbed of enormous blessing if they skim through this webpage rather than spend many a prayerful hour in it.

Be encouraged!

Once the conscience has been revived, the emergency has passed and I am free to focus on my passion, which is to comfort, encourage and inspire.

It has rightly been said that the devil makes sin seem so small that we do it and then seem so big that we feel we cannot be forgiven. The aim of this webpage is to counter-attack Satan’s attempt to make the sin of leering seem so small that we do it. This must now be balanced by my many other webpages that affirm the magnitude of the love and forgiveness that is yours in Jesus the moment you repent.

God’s love:

• You Are loved!


• To God You Are Special

Overcoming guilt feelings

• Handling Guilt
• Innocent!
• Discovering the ecstasy of a squeaky clean conscience
• Soothing a troubled conscience
• You’ve committed the unpardonable sin?
• When a Christian Commits Gross Sin

Beating temptation

• Break Free!
• Becoming a Winner!

How often have you heard it said, ‘God hates sin, but loves the sinner?’ The Evil One tries to deceive us into becoming the exact opposite of God on this issue. The Enemy wants us to love sin and/or hate the sinner (whether that sinner be us, or someone else).

In Praise of Men

Sadly, this webpage reads like an attack on men, but in reality this is no more the case than a eye-surgeon removing a cataract might be mistaken for someone attacking a man with a knife. In my attempt to restore sight to victims of satanically-induced blindness I do not wish to imply that one gender is more righteous than the other.

Like in probably no other era in history, men are the constant brunt of wounding accusations in the media, education, etc. And, of course, men are expected to put on a brave front and not show the pain nor admit to it by complaining.

Pornography, for example, is claimed to be the exploitation of women. Although I do not deny this, it is far, far more the exploitation of men. The only women directly ‘exploited’ are the women who sold their bodies to photographers and (usually) willingly profit from their low morals. If feminists wish to direct their frustration anywhere, it should be primarily at the women who fight over the ‘honor’ of becoming models. It is the male sex drive that is forever being exploited by advertising agents etc for the financial gain of the greedy. Who’s Exploiting Who?

With images splattered everywhere, every normal male is a victim of sexual assault almost wherever he looks. What a woman can do to an unconsenting stranger by the way she dresses is such a serious offense, that were the stranger to attempt a similar degree of arousal in the woman, he’d end up in jail. Yes, jail! To think all men enjoy being victims of this type of offense, is as grave a lie as thinking women enjoy being raped.

No violence is involved when women dress provocatively, yet that makes it even worse. Violence induces fear and pain which often causes the victim to hate what is happening. When men and women are raped, we rightly regard it as a hideous crime, and yet, like being robbed by a mugger, these people usually maintain their innocence. They can emerge from their horror with their spiritual purity intact. Not so a victim of seduction. Having been made a willing partner in the sin of lust, the victim of seduction has been morally corrupted, which from an eternal viewpoint is far more serious than physical assault.

Little girls who have been sexually interfered with usually grow up with a warped view of men. Little wonder that boys grow into men who have twisted views of women. An inappropriately dressed woman forces upon a young boy the same sexual stimulation as if she had molested him by fondling his genitals. If you are a woman who has proudly showed off some cleavage or otherwise dressed less than modestly and haven’t repented, heaven might rank you with child molesters.

It’s not that one gender is more corrupt, it’s just that our weaknesses differ. A vibrator can be as destructive as porn in weakening the marriage bond. And men are assaulted by erotica wherever they look. Vibrators don’t suddenly appear out of no where and start stimulating women as they drive past a billboard, walk down the street, see a newspaper or magazine or switch on the TV. Women tend to be less vulnerable to the corrupting influence of erotica, but one of the biggest destroyers of marriage is romantic fiction – something men are usually resistant to.

Tragically, countless thousands are under the mistaken impression that they have been born again. You can walk down a church aisle, repeat a prayer, spend your life acting like a devoted Christian, even have prayers answered, and still miss this elusive experience. If you have the slightest doubt about whether you have had this spiritual transformation, I beg you to read a fascinating webpage:

1. For Everyone

How I Broke my Addiction to Porno A Testimony

Death Blow to Addiction

Becoming a Winner! Supernatural Power to Break Lust’s Stranglehold

Life’s Mysteries Explained Fascinating Insights into Why God Allows Temptation

Spiritual Secrets Denying Yourself: An Excitingly Liberating Experience

A List of Porn Blocking Software

2. Further Help For Married Men

Stirring Up Marital Passion

Reclaiming the Power of Sexual Attraction for Increasing Marital Faithfulness

Webpages Related to This One

Masturbation: toward a Christian View of Sexual Self-Stimulation

Romantic Fiction: The Female Equivalent of Porn?

Love Sex God Orgasm: Christian Sex Secrets

Not to be sold. © Copyright, Grantley Morris, 1998. For much more by the same author, see www.net-burst.com
No part of these writings may be sold, and no part copied in whole without citing this entire paragraph.